


Can We Lose Our Minds?

by mooonwaffle



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: (not Mordred don't worry), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Decisions, Bottom Merlin (Merlin), Boys Kissing, Camelot, Coming Out, Crime, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Gay Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Implied/Referenced Drug Abuse, Jealousy, M/M, Merlin is a Little Shit, Modern Era, Non-binary character, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, School, Top Mordred (Merlin), Toxic Friendships, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Whump, bad influence, slowburn, theme park
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26571937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooonwaffle/pseuds/mooonwaffle
Summary: When Merlin meets Mordred at a school party, his whole world I turned around. He thought love was the last thing he'd ever find. From a hard life at home, to the cracks in his friendship with Arthur, and the bad influence of a new a friend, a sexuality crises was the last thing he needed. Of course, new student Mordred wasn't going to take no for an answer. But when a new stranger welcomes Merlin into his home, things take a turn.Basically, a love story between Mordred and Merlin, while Merlin struggles with bad decisions thanks to his new friend.! Warning, this story contains the following !Physical and mental abuse, drug use, underage drinking, sexual themes.
Relationships: Light Merlin/Will - Relationship, Merlin/Mordred (Merlin)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 39





	1. Jinx

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: this book deals with the following
> 
> ◦ Physical and mental abuse - the story references and describes these events but it is not written in full detail. But I did want to put a disclaimer because it is talked about. It's not my place to write about it detail nor do I want to harm anyone.  
> ◦ Depression - the story only mentions this, it does not focus on mental health.  
> ◦ Drugs and alcohol - the characters in this book drink alcohol while underage. It isn't mentioned a lot but the story does talk about it. Also, this story references drugs quite a bit towards the middle of the story. One of the characters uses them constantly but it is not described in the story. At some point, Merlin starts experimenting but it doesn't go on for very long. I do not condone use of heavy drugs nor do I support underage drinking. Both have very bad consequences. If you need help with either of these things, please visit either of the following
> 
> [SAMHSA](https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline)  
> [SupportLine](https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/drugs/)
> 
> I do not own the original Merlin characters or original Merlin plot. Those rights go to BBC. But the rights to this book are reserved to me. DM first about translating.

**CAN WE LOSE OUR MINDS?**

**~**

"Oi, Merlin!" Gwaine shouted from the drink cooler behind him. Merlin turned to look at him just as he threw a can his way. Merlin caught it and stared down at it, scoffing before picking his head back up to glare at his friend.

"It's a party, you have to enjoy yourself!"

"I can do that perfectly fine while sober... Unlike you," he laughed and threw the can of beer back at Gwaine, which probably wasn't the best idea come to think of it because he was already too drunk for coordination. But he managed to catch it nonetheless.

"Very, very true," Gwaine winked and opened the drink for himself, taking a few gulps from it, "Merlin, I don't think you're as innocent as they say."

"Who's _they_?"

"Well... just me, I suppose. But I bet you're gonna slip tonight and wake up with an enormous hangover come morning. No one who's ever been at a party hasn't at least been a little bit tipsy."

"I can think of lots of people who don't drink, Gwaine," Merlin scoffed and began walking away from Gwaine, who simply chuckled at his nonsense.

The evening sky darkened more as time passed by. The stars and moon become visible to the human eye as the teenagers rested themselves on the tan sand, gazing at the constellations overhead. Warm aromas of meat being grilled filled the air as they chased the scent with their hungry stomachs.

Caps from bottles of alcohol were sprung off and laying across the sandy ground. Various songs filled their ears along with the sound of the waves, harshly collapsing onto each other.

The party was a medium gathering of classmates that consisted of Merlin, Gwaine, Arthur, Gwen, Morgana, Percival, Elyan and several others. This was an annual get together that students starting year twelve, going into year thirteen or even graduated students starting University attended... just two nights before the first day of their school. It was a tradition, dating back three decades ago.

Behind the sandy parts of the beach, where grass and flowers grew, there was a tall alder tree. But this wasn't just your average tree. It held years of history and tradition. Every time a party like this one was held, kids would take sharpies or knives and sketch their names or initials into its bark. Some even wrote secrets or the names of their crushes.

The alder tree had died years ago. But it's purpose still lived on in the hearts of every student. It was something they could always remember and always return to.

Merlin traced his fingers over the rough bark. He ran them down across old carvings until he found his from last year. _'Merlin, 2018.'_

He smiled, thinking back to when he carved his name into the trunk with a switchblade. Gwen's was next to his along with Elyan's. Neither of them had shown up to the party yet. In fact, hardly anyone had shown up.

"The party is a bust this year, huh?"

Merlin turned around at the comment to face Arthur. "Yeah, it sucks," he agreed. "It should be the best day of our lives. I mean, this is our last year of school. After that, we're off to university and we _have_ to be mature." Parties for Merlin were different than parties for the rest of his friends. He used them to get away from his home... to escape.

"Oh, take a chill pill. There's still parties at Uni, Merlin," Arthur chuckled and gave him a shove. "You probably just need a drink."

"Here we go again," he groaned and turned away from his friend. "Do you remember what happened last time I got drunk?"

"Yes," Arthur snorted, "feels like just yesterday. You were flirting with everybody! I didn't even know you knew _how_ to flirt. I even had to pull you away from trying to lock lips with-"

"Okay, okay. You can shut up now," the shorter man cut him off as his cheeks grew a light pink colour.

"...trying to lock lips with my sister."

Merlin groaned and crossed his arms as he turned back around. He shot Arthur a glare. "I hate you! I've literally never been attracted to her like that. _Ever_!"

"You've never been attracted to _anyone_ before, Merlin. Maybe you just don't know what it feels like."

"Maybe I'm just not interested in any of the ugly, hormonal teenagers we go to school with."

"Hey! I'm not ugly!" Arthur pouted dramatically. Merlin scoffed and punched him in the arm.

"You may not be ugly but you're one hell of a prat," he mumbled.

Before Arthur could answer, a loud voice filled the crowd. Merlin turned around to see one of his old classmates, now a university student. He had a booming voice that made everyone at the party turn to him for his announcement.

Finally, after a dramatic pause, he spoke. "Hello, everyone. I'm Lance, as you may know. I heard from a little birdy that some of you are feeling a little disappointed in the party this year. How 'bout we change that?" Loud cheers could be heard through the small crowd at his words. "Although there's booze, music and sloppy kissing, what kind of party would this be without some games to liven it up?"

The celebration did feel dull. He certainly wasn't wasting sneaking out of his home for _this_. Whatever games Lancelot was talking about certainly intrigued him. He just hoped they didn't involve any kissing.

Lance shushed the wooing of the crowd and continued. "The first game I have on the agenda for today, is a little counting game. We all have to count to thirty as a group but you can't repeat the number or say a number at the same time as someone else. If you do either of those things, you have to take a shot. Oh, and please don't get too loud. I don't want the cops showing up and yelling at me for serving kids alcohol."

When Lance was finished and everyone began to form a circle. The two of them walked from the tree to where the others were on the sand. Arthur gave Merlin a look motioned to a spot next to him on the ground.

"I don't like talking in big crowds," Merlin explained to him, nervously.

Arthur rolled his eyes and took his hand, pulling him to the deformed circle. "Dude, come on. You only have to say like, one word."

Merlin fought with him a bit more but ultimately gave in and took a seat between Arthur and Gwaine. "Wow, you're actually playing. Good for you," Gwaine slurred in his clearly drunken state. Merlin cracked a laugh and shook his head at his drunk friend.

The first person began with the number one. Several others contributed and they nearly reached an impressive number of ten. But two people said it at the same time and they had to start over.

"Let's change it up a bit, make this more exciting. Everytime we fail, we all have to take a shot," Lancelot cheered and held the bottle up in his hands. "I have biodegradable shot cups so don't yell at me for killing the planet," he yelled defensively as he passed the cups to the people who sat next to him. "Let's get this started!"

There were a few cheers and a few people who didn't like the idea. Merlin thought the latter. But he didn't object when Lancelot poured some into his cup.

━━━━━━━━━

"Eighteen," Arthur shouted a little while later.

Merlin nervously looked around, wondering if he should speak up. Arthur must've agreed because he punched him in the arm as a hint. He knew Arthur would make him do it whether he wanted to or not so he prepared himself to speak in the next several seconds.

"Twenty one!"

Merlin sighed and after Lancelot shouted the next number, he decided to give it a try. It couldn't hurt.

"Twenty three," he said to the crowd. But another person in the circle spoke at the same time and they jinxed numbers. Merlin's heart sank in anxiety.He looked across the circle to the man the voice belonged to. He finally found him directly across in the circle.

The boy looked about his age. He had a smile on his face and thick, curly locks of brown hair. He looked like someone who belonged on the beach, a hippie. He wore earth-toned clothes, sandals and a small heap of beaded bracelets. Yes... hippie indeed.

This guy was really cute. He didn't normally pick up on things like that but he was just different. He wished he could've seen the color of his eyes but he was too far away and it was too dark outside. Though, the fire lit his face up in a luminescent orange and the shadows flickered across his face in the most pleasant way.

When the boy picked his head up and met eyes with him, Merlin quickly looked the other way, a slight blush developing on his cheeks. He picked the shot cup up from where he stuck it in the sand and held it up to his lips. Merlin could feel the other boy's gaze on him but he refused to look back and instead looked at the sky as he drank.

The game proceeded on for a while. They got annoying numbers like twenty and twenty four, but they never got twenty five. When they claimed it would be their last round, they successfully reached their anticipated number of twenty five, which was even harder to do when they were all either buzzed, drunk or hammered. He was honestly surprised they finished the game without everyone zonking out.

It was late by the end of the game. The sun was completely gone and the sand started to become chilly under their feet. Mosquitoes were even more annoying than before but lightning bugs made the setting astonishing. Nearly half the people who had been at the party left by now. It was almost eleven at night and school started in two days so maybe they were smart to leave.

Merlin didn't care about not drinking anymore. He was already tipsy from the shots so he grabbed a can of beer before throwing on his hoodie to keep the mosquitoes and chilly breeze away. He then realized his phone had been its pocket the whole time he'd been there. He was lucky it hadn't been stolen or broken. He turned it on and was immediately alarmed at the number of texts he'd gotten.

The very large majority of them were from his father. He was wondering where he was, but wasn't being nice about it, threatening to throw him out. This was a normal conversation between them. Merlin angrily shut his phone off, not wanting to associate with him anymore. He shoved it deep into his pocket and sucked in a deep breath before walking to the shore of the beach.

The water was shockingly cold but it felt nice on his feet. He popped his can of beer open and took a long drink from it. He needed it now... His father had, yet again, ruined his night.

He didn't want to think about what would happen when he returned home. He took another large sip from his beer, then another and another until it was nearly gone.

"You okay, mate?" A remarkable and beautiful voice asked him. He turned and looked in their direction. It was the boy from before. What _great_ timing! The boy walked up to him in the water. He was already barefoot and wearing cargo capris so he just walked right through. Merlin stayed silent and moved his gaze back to where it was before; admiring the stars.

The man stalked up behind him and was now by his side. He was the same height as him. Merlin looked in his peripheral vision to see him pull out a pack of cigarettes, "do you mind?"

Merlin paused. He did in fact care that the boy before him was ruining his lungs with nicotine. He looked too perfect to be smoking. But Merlin didn't say that, instead he shook his head.

He heard a cigarette being pulled out and the flick of a lighter. A second later smoke was surrounding him with a smell he didn't like nor despise.

"So, what's your name, oh so mysterious man I jinxed the number twenty three with?"

Merlin let out a tiny chuckle. He was already making him feel better. "It's Merlin."

"Strange name."

"Thank you," Merlin laughed, sounding offended but he really wasn't.

"No, I didn't mean it like that! I've just never heard it before, that's all," he exclaimed. "Besides, my name is strange too."

"What is it?"

The boy looked like he was contemplating telling him but finally, he smiled and spoke. "Mordred."

"M-Mordred?" Merlin almost laughed but his thoughts were all too focused on the way his name rolled off his tongue. His eyes were now on... Mordred's. He had a beautiful name... just like his face. He concentrated on his face and noticed a tiny silver stud on his ear.

"Yes, I told you it was strange. I've always hated it. My parents are hippies, if I was a girl they were gonna name me Wind or Indigo. To be honest, either of those would be better than _Mordred."_ He let out a puff a smoke, this time it blew into his face. It wasn't on purpose, he had just turned to look at him. But Merlin didn't care. He was too captivated in Mordred's eyes and how his lips fell when he breathed out the smoke.

"Nah, I like Mordred," he smiled. The choice of words were slightly used to test out his name on his tongue again. And because he was now drunk and didn't really have full control over his thoughts or words.

"Why'd you just chug that whole can of beer? There must have been some kind of reason."

Merlin scoffed. "I didn't... _chug_ it, per say." He really didn't know how to answer his question the rest of the way, so he just shrugged.

"Well, sometimes when I'm mad or sad, instead of drinking myself to sleep like some people do, I plant my feet on a hard surface, somewhere you can be in touch with the Earth. Then I close my eyes and I focus on the little insignificant sounds no one pays attention to. Try to drown out the loud noises that are easy to hear and focusing on soft sounds distracts you more. I just do that until I'm not angry anymore, it seems to help."

"Maybe _you_ should just do that instead of smoking." Merlin looked at him and then down at the cigarette in between his fingers.

"Just try it, _Merlin,_ " Mordred smiled at him, ignoring his comment and lifting the poison back up to his lips.

So, very hesitantly, Merlin slowly closed his eyes and pressed his feet into the sand.

"Don't push, just let your feet rest there," he heard his soft voice explain.

So Merlin tried again, but this time, he just let his feet naturally press into the sand. But he could feel Mordred's gaze on him again. He felt closer then he was before and he swore he felt his breath on his neck. It was making his cheeks turn a bright, peppery colour and his hair stand up straight. But something inside him told him to open his eyes and step away. It felt like he was going to lose his mind if Mordred stayed that close to him.

"Did it work?"

"Y'know, I'd rather be alone right now actually," he muttered, avoiding the question. He looked away, not quite liking the way the boy was making him feel.

Mordred's face dropped but he nodded solemnly. "Alright, I'll leave then." He started to walk away but Merlin stopped him with his voice.

"No, don't. I'm sorry, I'll go. I shouldn't be here anyway," he explained at a fast rate before turning on his heel and walking away. He strolled back to where the majority of the people were and straight past them.

"Merlin, where are you going? We still have to do the tree thing." Arthur tried to stop him when he saw him parading away.

"I'll see you at school," Merlin quickly told him as he left the sandy part of the beach. He found his bike chained up to a pole and undid the lock before sitting on the seat and taking off down the street.


	2. Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first week of school begins and Mordred wants to know why Merlin keeps looking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Second chapter is up! I'm so excited to post these. I really can't wait until we get further into the book because things get good. This chapter has a lot of breaks (lots of scenes) I wrote this sometime in 2019, so my writing style has changed a lot since then. I hope you don't mind the amount of scenes. Let me know!
> 
> This is the song Merlin listens to! It's by Colbie Caillat  
> [You Got Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Lcnz1_ND7Y)
> 
> TW: mention of abuse

Arthur sat in his seat, his eyes planted on the clock on the wall. Class had started several minutes ago. Where was Merlin? They had gotten their timetables weeks ago at registration. Surely he knew what room to go to. He sighed and ignored the tingling feeling that something was wrong, looking ahead at the teacher instead.

“Now, before you all get excited about working hands-on with cameras, we need to learn a bit about them. Although this is year two of photography, we’ve gotten a new supply of cameras that I am indeed very happy about. We are going to be using Nikon D3300s. Keep in mind, they are not _yours._ They’re rentals. So _please_ treat them with respect.”

It was then that a tall, raven haired man opened the door and awkwardly walked into the classroom. He took a seat next to Arthur who gave him a confused look.

“I’m happy to see you finally showed up, Merlin. You’re one of the best students, don’t make this a usual thing,” the teacher explained and continued on with her spiel.

Arthur turned back to Merlin, “where the hell were you?” He whispered.

“My jackass dad sold my bicycle and didn’t tell me. I had to walk here,” he sighed.

“Why didn’t you just take the bus?” Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Merlin scoffed _._ “I don’t know. I’m here now so it doesn’t really matter,” he replied hastily, setting down his bag.

Arthur looked at him closely for the first time that day. He noticed Merlin’s cheek was red but the rest of his face seemed a perfectly normal pale white. “What happened?” He asked.

“I guess I’m just flustered... I don’t like coming in late when class has already started.”

Arthur didn’t really believe him but he dropped it right away and focused on the teacher again.

When lunch came around, everyone was so thankful. The day so far had seemed to move so slowly, probably because it was their first time back in months. When Merlin stepped into the courtyard, he immediately heard his name being shouted by his friends. He chuckled slightly and walked over to the table.

Gwaine pulled out food from several bags and set them on the table, “I got us some McDonald’s. You lucky bastards should be so grateful you have me to rely on for food,” he winked and stuck a chip in his mouth.

Merlin took a seat. “How did you even get this so fast?”

“He got it off one of those expensive delivery apps” Morgana snorted, she was the one Merlin tried to kiss at the party one year ago. How embarrassing...

“Oi, that money is going towards the drivers who need it. If paying a bit more means they get to support themselves and their families, why not?” Gwaine held his hands up in defense and stuck a straw through his iced tea.

“You’re still using straws? Even after the whole ‘ _save the turtles’_ strike?” Gwen asked, the activist of the group.

“Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?” Gwaine smirked and happily sipped from his plastic straw.

“Pinhead,” Gwen muttered.

Morgana then turned to Merlin, “where’s my rubbish brother gone off to?”

“Rubbish _half_ brother,” Arthur corrected her from behind. He took a seat next to Merlin and grabbed a bag of chips. He plopped one into his mouth and moaned loudly, “I want to marry whoever invented these.”

“Do you need a minute alone with those?” Merlin laughed and gave him a wink.

“Yes, he does. You should see him at home when Father buys those glazed doughnuts he loves so much,” Morgana teased before taking a bite into her burger.

“Those _are_ really good, though. You have to admit, Mo,” Merlin insisted. Arthur used to call her _Mogana_ when he was little and couldn’t pronounce Rs, hence the nickname.

“I like the strawberry doughnuts more than the vanilla,” Gwen told the group and a chorus of no’s followed.

“That’s the worst kind. They completely took away from the original doughnut flavour. I mean, she was the queen of vanilla and next thing you know, strawberry comes out and ruins the brand,” Gwaine debated against her. He then turned to Merlin for his opinion but he was focused on something else.

“Arthur, chose now: Father’s doughnuts of McDonald's chips?”

“I’m not answering that absurd question.”

“It’s not absurd. You’re gonna have to make decisions in your life at some point. I’m just giving you a head start.”

“Merlin, don’t you want some food? Let me nourish you,” Gwaine smirked, dragging out the _you_ as he shoved a bag of food his way.

“That sounded so wrong,” Morgana snorted.

“What? How? Ohh, that fetish some people…..”

But Merlin didn’t hear any of it. His focus was someplace else, focusing on _someone_ else. It was the boy from before, Mordred. He was leaning against the fence, uniform hugging his body and his tie looped incorrectly. He looked deep in thought, his fingers were flicking something- a lighter. He was turning it on and off repeatedly. He flicked it once more but it looked like the flame caught his thumb. He winced and stuck his thumb in his mouth to cool it off.

He saw something shiny on his ear- the piercing… Except, it looked to be a different colour today. Unfortunately, he was too far away to analyze anything else.

Mordred looked up all of a sudden, causing Merlin to immediately switch his gaze back to his friends in a panic.

“Oi!’ Gwaine snapped his fingers in his face but failed to gain Merlin’s attention.

_Please don’t come over here. Please don’t be walking towards me._ He looked up and saw the Mordred was indeed walking over to his table. He quickly stood up, only to be stopped by Gwaine’s voice, “Merlin?”

“I’ve got to go,” he quickly replied and dashed away from the table before Mordred got there.

He ran inside the school, dodging kids here and there until he finally made it to the toilets where he’d be safe. He looked at himself in the mirror and caught his breath. Why did he run away like that? Hardly anything would’ve happened if he stayed. He bent down and splashed water on his face from the running faucet. When he brought his head back up, he wiped it dry with a paper towel and starred in the mirror some more. His cheek was still slightly red, Arthur had pointed it out to him that morning. He touched it slightly and it didn’t really hurt anymore. But it felt a little raw still.

“What happened?” A voice startled him. He turned around in time to see Mordred walking closer to him. _Just perfect._

“Oh, I- fell off my bike this morning,” he said quickly, avoiding all possible eye contact with the man before him.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice laced with concern. Merlin wondered why he cared so much. He’d only just met him. Mordred must have read his facial expressions because of what he said next, “it’s human nature to be concerned for others. Just tell me if you’re okay or not.”

“Yeah,” he spoke truthfully, “Fine.”

It wasn’t a lie. Only because for some reason, Mordred being there with him made everything seem better, even if it wasn’t.

“Then maybe you can answer my question.”

“And what question is that?”

A small smile appeared on Mordred’s lips. “Why d’ya keep staring at me?”

Merlin shook his head and a blush crept up his cheeks. “I haven’t been looking at you,” he said.

“Lie.”

Merlin watched him in the mirror as he walked closer to him.

“Why’d you follow me?” Merlin tried to change the topic. It worked, for a few seconds. “You did the same at the beach the other day.”

“Why do you keep staring at me?” Mordred repeated with a smirk.

Merlin sighed and tried to walk away from the situation but he felt fingers capture his. He froze and slowly looked down. Mordred had reached out and grabbed his hand to stop him from leaving. A soft blush made its way to his face. Even though he was standing still, not going anywhere anytime soon, his fingers were still weaved with Mordred’s. He wanted to stay like this forever. His heart felt as if it was beating a million times per minute. _Why_? Why was he getting these feelings? He’d _never_ had them before. Every time he heard Mordred’s voice he got butterflies in his stomach. What the hell did it mean?

“We don’t get a lot of new people here,” he finally answered. “Don’t flatter yourself, I’m just used to seeing the same faces every day.”

“Oh,” Mordred said glumly, obviously disappointed. He then let go of Merlin’s hand, which made him glum in return.

Merlin traced his empty hand with his fingertips, missing his touch already. “I do appreciate your concern though, today and at the party.”

“It’s no worries,” he smiled and began to head out the door.

Merlin bit his lip to hold back a grin. He watched him trail towards the door in the mirror but he called out to him before he left. “Mordred.”

“Hmm?”

“Your tie’s undone.”

He stopped abruptly and turned around with a smirk on his face. “I know.” With that, he left out the door, leaving behind a very confused Merlin.

───────

Arthur set his bag down on the ground and motioned for Merlin to set his down as well. He did so and followed his friend up the stairs to his room.

The Pendragon house was quite large. Arthur had his own private washroom and a huge, spacious bed. The house also had a foosball table, various glamorous paintings on the walls that cost an unimaginable amount, and a large flat screen in their home movie theatre. Merlin had always been jealous of his mansion-like home… no, it wasn’t _mansion-like,_ it _was_ a mansion.

“What happened at lunch today? You left all of a sudden,” Arthur quirked an eyebrow and shut his door once they set foot in his room. Without changing out of his uniform, he immediately flopped back down on his bed.

Merlin just stared at him. He was completely lost in thought until Arthur snapped to get his attention. “Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he stuttered before slipping off his tie and coat. He took a seat on Arthur’s bed.

Arthur hummed in response and pulled his laptop up on his lap, “Doctor Who?” He smirked.

Merlin eagerly nodded and scooted closer to the man, “play one of the episodes with Matt Smith.”

“But of course. He _is_ the best Doctor,” Arthur chuckled and pressed play on the Angels Take Manhattan episode.

“Not _this_ one. It’s the saddest episode, other than the one where Ten is balling his eyes out because he doesn’t want to go.”

“Come on! This is my favorite episode,” Arthur smirked and resumed the show.

Merlin found it rather difficult to focus on the show. He had plenty of other thoughts swarming through his head about Mordred. He knew if he kept thinking about him, it would only make him think more. And there wasn’t even much to think about! He met a possible friend and had a few conversations with him. There was nothing odd about it. So why was his brain freaking out?!

He sighed to himself but apparently it was louder than he’d intended because Arthur looked his way in confusion.

“I’m fine,” he answered half-heartedly.

“You sure? That was a pretty defeated sounding sigh.”

“Yeah, I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now.”

“Oh,” he mumbled and turned his attention back to the laptop. He pressed play and the two of them were silent for the rest of the show. It wasn’t like either of them to have a heart-to-heart about stress or anything else.

When the show ended, Arthur shut the computer and set it down on the ground. He laid down next to Merlin, his eyes facing his pale blue ceiling. His room was a gorgeous place. Merlin loved it. He had a TV on a stand right in front of his bed, alternating dark and pale blue walls, a humongous window facing South that brought the sunlight. Though, Arthur insisted on covering it up with a curtain to obtain his “ _vampire aesthetic_ ” as Merlin called it. He had video game and movie posters along his walls and a shelf for all the trophies he won in football.

Suddenly, Merlin’s stomach rumbled. “I’m hungry.”

Arthur’s ears perked up to this. “Food? Chinese?”

“Sounds wonderful.”

───────

It was Merlin’s last class of the day and he was excited to get back home. The first days of school always seemed the longest. He walked down the hall to his locket to grab his maths textbook. It was quite heavy so he didn’t really favor lugging it around in his bookbag.

As he was shutting his locker, he saw Arthur out of the corner of his eye. He turned around with a smile on his face, getting ready to crack a corny joke. But it appeared that Arthur was already talking to someone- or, bickering with someone.

He heard a laugh that sounded a bit patronizing and then Arthur tossed his arms in the air like he was done. When he moved, he unveiled the person he’d been bickering with. Mordred? That’s the last person he expected.

“Fuck you!” Arthur yelled at him before turning and storming away towards Merlin. He watched Mordred flip him off with both fingers and walk the other way.

“What was that about?” Merlin asked once Arthur was beside him.

“He’s a prick, that’s what. I can’t believe you’re friends with him,” he huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “I’ve talked to him like, twice.”

“Whatever. I know a douche when I see one. See you later,” Arthur sighed and headed off to his next class.

“ _You’re_ the prick,” he mumbled softly to himself and continued down the hall to maths.

───────

“Alright, good morning to you all. Today is Friday, also known as Photography Friday!” His teacher cheered and smiled at the class. A few people matched her joy but the class was mostly silent. Merlin’s ears perked up a bit at this. He would much rather take photographs than sit inside all day working on boring sheets about lighting.

“We’ll go outside to take photographs. I want you each to take _at least_ five photos and we’ll spend time editing them on Monday and Tuesday. Go grab your cameras and your gear and we’ll head outside in a few minutes.”

Merlin and Arthur got up from their seats and walked to the back of the room where their gear was stored in bins. He grabbed his camera, a few different lenses, light reflector and some glass shapes to mess around with. He put the camera strap around his neck and turned towards Arthur to wait for him.

“You have any ideas for pictures yet?” He asked the blond haired man.

“Eh, a few. I saw one of the old swings outside has vines growing up it and it looked kind of cool. I just hope no one gets in my shots,” he answered as he slung his camera around his shoulder. “What about you?”

“I’m the opposite. I _do_ want someone getting in my shot. But that’s the difference between you and me. You want to focus more on nature and your surroundings while I prefer people and stories.”

“I suppose so. I heard Ms. T say we’re going to do a big project on a specific person in your life. I’m sure you’ll like that.”

Merlin shrugged as they began walking with the class out the door. “Maybe. That would involve quite a lot of social interaction. I don’t think I could be around anyone that long. Even _you_ start to annoy me after a couple hours of video games.”

“That’s fair,” he agreed, letting out a little laugh.

The class made their way outside and after a quick announcement, Ms T let everyone loose. Arthur asked him if he wanted to stick together but he declined. He always did his best work alone.

Merlin found some cool flowers to take pictures of, but he didn’t spend too long on them. It felt like taking pictures of plants was overdone and he wanted to be as creative as possible with his photography. He took a shot of a couple of his classmates goofing around. The sun was hitting them in such a way that made their figures mostly silhouettes. He asked them to pose several different times and each photo turned out relatively well.

Arthur was over by the old swing set where he said he’d be. He was right, the vines had grown over the metal poles and it looked pretty neat. No one else had noticed besides him, so his photos would truly be one-of-a-kind.

Merlin walked over to the back of the school. He didn’t really know if he could stray that far away from the group but he was willing to take the chance. He found a cool brick wall so switched to a macro lens to take close up pictures. After he had taken quite a few, someone interrupted him from behind.

“I didn’t know someone could stare at _brick_ that long and still be entertained.”

Merlin turned around at his words with a deadpan look on his face. “Thanks, Mordred.”

The man smiled and leaned against the brick that he had been taking pictures of.

“What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be in class?” He rested his camera strap on his neck again and crossed his arms above it.

“The real question is what are _you_ doing out here?”

“It’s something we’re doing for my photography class. They’re over on the other side of the building. It’s your turn, now.”

Mordred hummed and grabbed a box out of his pocket. He pulled a single cigarette from it and reached in his other pocket for a lighter. “I needed a smoke break. I don’t really have a good excuse like you…” He popped it in his mouth and lit the end with the small flame from the lighter. He gave it a puff and brought it down from his lips, exhaling the smoke.

“Oh,” is all Merlin could think to say. He looked down at his feet and fidgeted in his spot nervously.

“You look good today, Merlin.”

There he went, saying his name again… Well, it _was_ his name afterall. But every time he said it, it gave him anxiety-- not bad anxiety… just nerves.

“Oh,” he felt blood rush up to his ears and cheeks again. “Thank you…” He looked up at Mordred now to see that he had been staring at him.

The smell of cigarettes was heavier now but it didn’t really bother him. He watched Mordred’s movements as he brought the cigarette to his lips and then lowered it. Every single time, like a song on repeat.

Merlin grabbed his camera and took a picture of him as he exhaled the smoke.

“Hey!” Mordred yelled as he went to take another one. He pressed the button as the other man’s hand touched the lens. That would’ve looked cool with a fisheye.

He smiled, looking down at the picture on the screen. Mordred moved behind him to get a look for himself. They were touching now.

“Oh, y’know, that’s not totally bad,” Mordred mumbled as he walked back over to the brickwall. Merlin immediately missed his presence.

“So only partially bad? Thanks.”

“No, no. Your photos are stellar, I just mean my lack of ability to pose for photos.”

Merlin made an ‘o’ with his lips and nodded. He stared back down at the photo and smiled a tiny bit. “You look good today too.”

“I know,” Mordred smirked. He exhaled the final breath of smoke and pulled a ziplock bag out of his coat pocket, stuffing the butt in.

“Y-you- why do you keep them?”

“I don’t. I put them in here so I can dispose of them correctly later. I never throw them on the ground. Don’t need to ruin the planet any more.”

“Or you could just not smoke at all,” he suggested and bit his lip right after, feeling nervous that maybe he would take offense.

“That’s a good suggestion. I’ll remember that, Merlin,” he stuffed the bag back in his coat pocket and took a few steps closer to Merlin so they were only inches apart. “Speaking of suggestions… this time it’s _your_ tie that needs fixing.”

Merlin looked down at his own tie, noticing that it was indeed loose. He watched as Mordred’s hands reached out for it, pulling the knot out and redoing it, tighter and more neat this time. His fingers touched his neck every-so-often, which made his cheeks redder than they already were and sent goosebumps up his arms.

“There ya go,” he smiled once he was finished and quickly ran his hands down Merlin’s shirt before bringing them back to his own pockets.

“Merlin!” He heard his name being shouted and he looked to see his teacher waving him over.

“See you around, Merlin,” Mordred said when he turned back to him.

“Yeah, sure,” he replied quickly and ran back to the teacher. He felt a little bad for leaving so quickly. But if he spent one more minute speaking to him, he’d probably pass out from heat exhaustion.

Ms Sanders gave him a quick lecture about how he had basically skipped class since he left the area to talk to someone. She was rather strict sometimes.

They stayed outside the rest of the hour and Merlin took a few more pictures, but nothing really stood out to him as much as Mordred did.

───────

Merlin decided to walk home from school. The bus was packed tighter than normal and the temperature outside wasn’t too chilly so it really was his best option. He popped his earphones in and pressed shuffle on his playlist.

Listening to music really helped him with his struggles. He could focus on something other than himself and his issues. He didn’t know what he would do if he couldn’t listen to music. Talking with his friends distracted him too, unless that friend was Mordred. For some reason, his anxiety spiked through the roof every time they talked. He had a very abrasive personality-- not in a bad way. It was just that Mordred just knew what he wanted and how to get it.

Oh, he was in his thoughts again! Merlin distracted himself by singing the lyrics of the song that was playing.

_You’re stuck on me and my laughing eyes,_

_I can’t pretend, thought I try to hide,_

_I like you,_

_I like you,_

_I think I felt my heart skip a beat,_

_I’m standing here and I can hardly breathe,_

_You got me,_

_You got me,_

The tips of Merlin’s ears suddenly felt hot and he was certain they were bright red. Maybe focusing on lyrics wasn’t such a great idea.

_The way you take my hand is just so sweet,_

_And that crooked smile of yours, it knocks me off my feet_

Merlin suddenly pulled the earbuds out from his ears. He stared down at his phone in shock as he watched the tick on the progress bar move towards the end. The song finished and the next popped up but he was too worried this song would have the same affect on him.

He shook his head at himself and his frantic behaviour. How silly of him. It was just a song. But.. maybe that was enough music for now. He pressed pause and looped his earphones around his phone, then shoved it in his pocket.

The next half hour was silent until the trailer park came into view. He took the same route to his home he took everyday but commotion near his neighbour’s house disrupted him this time. He looked over to where the noise was coming from. A rowdy group of people formed in a circle looking at something. They were all wearing the same jacket with the symbol of a scorpion-looking creature-- a gang, Merlin presumed.

He carefully avoided them by going one trailer over until he could see his own home. He quickly walked in and shut the door behind him, though he could still hear their yelling from inside.

That was the problem living in a low income neighbourhood. Trouble seemed to follow everyone around. Last year, Merlin counted seven arrests from the motor-home owners alone. It wasn’t safe for anyone, especially the young kids- and there were a lot of them.

They hadn’t always lived in the trailer park. When Merlin was really little and his mum was still around, they lived in a cozy apartment in the middle-class part of town. From what he could remember, it was a nice place and Arthur came round to have play-dates quite often. He couldn’t remember his mum too well but he figured she must’ve been a pretty sensible woman. He had trouble understanding why she married his father. And unfortunately, he never would.

She wasn’t dead, she was just gone.

No one else except himself, his father and his neighbours knew where he lived. From what Arthur understood, they still lived in the cozy apartment. The rest of his friends never asked and he definitely wasn’t going to tell them.

Where he lived was embarrassing and sad- and he hated sympathy. As long as no one found out, he would be okay.


	3. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin brings Arthur along on a last minute shopping trip. They get a little distracted, resulting in consequences from their fathers.  
>  **TW: underage drinking, abuse**

Merlin woke up late on a Sunday evening, hungry and tired, something that wasn’t foreign to him. He tried sleeping in as much as he could when his body allowed him, that was. It wasn’t often that they had food in the house. Sleeping in meant he wouldn’t get hungry… and he couldn’t afford hungry.

Merlin rose from the couch and brought his weight onto the ugly carpeted floor. It was hot in their motor-home and the small living room he slept in did nothing to help cool him off. His stomach roared loudly and he sighed as his feet carried him to the kitchen. He opened the fridge. To the right, they had a nearly empty jug of milk and an expired bottle of mustard. There was a single hard-boiled egg on one of the shelves, his father’s McDonald’s bag, and two yoghurts. Merlin sighed as he looked at the numerous bottles of beer and whiskey his dad had bought. How could he afford that but not a decently stocked fridge?

He turned around and looked for any sort of bread he could make a sandwich with. He found two pieces and took them out. One of them was an end piece but he didn’t mind. He scooped up a small bit of peanut butter and spread it evenly throughout. He took a bite and it wasn’t the best- the bread might’ve been past its expiration date- but it filled his stomach nonetheless.

He was going to try to get a job soon. If he got one that paid decently, it would probably be enough for two to three meals a day, assuming that they’re inexpensive.

Merlin took out his phone and checked the time. It was nearly four o’clock in the evening. He really had slept a long time. His stomach still rumbled.

He heard a loud laugh coming from his father’s room, then a loud crash right after. Worried, Merlin ran to his room and opened the door. His dad had half a beer bottle in his hands, the other part was little shattered pieces on the ground.

“Dad?” Merlin peeped, creaking the door open a little more. The man quickly turned his head and glared at his son.

“What?! Come to ask for your bicycle back, boy?” He slurred. He poured himself another tall glass of cheap whiskey and laughed. “...complain about it one more time and I’m throwing your other shit out too. You got too much crap anyway.”

“No, I don’t. That’s kind of the problem,” he answered passive-aggressively.

“Go back to bed, Merlin.”

“It’s four o’clock,” he huffed. He stared at the drink in his father’s hands. “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“You better get out of my room before I get up and throw you out myself!”

Merlin quickly shut the door because he knew his dad wasn’t joking. He flopped down on his rock-hard couch and stared at the ceiling, letting out a sigh. He figured he might as well be productive and get some work done while he was up. He opened his camera bag and ejected the card from inside the camera. Ms Sanders was nice enough to let him bring home a school computer to finish up some assignments. It was one of the only classes with homework that he actually enjoyed working on.

He loaded the pictures onto the laptop and brought up his editing software. He started out with the pictures of his classmates. It took him a while to get the settings right so he watched a video to help clear up the confusion. Half an hour later, the set of silhouette photos were finished.

Merlin took a quick break to stretch his legs. During this break, he remembered that he had taken photos of Mordred. He eagerly brought those photos into his editor. He was excited to see them on a bigger and more detailed screen. A smile stretched across his face when Mordred appeared on the screen. He only had three photos of him, one of them was mostly his hand, but it was still enough to make him happy.

He ended up spending over an hour on only two of the photos. Every time he was close to finishing, he noticed something he could change. It seemed that Mordred’s face was so perfect in person that it made it hard to photograph him and do it justice-- but he didn’t mean that in a weird way… He was just handsome, that’s all...

Merlin saved what he was working on and shut the computer. He would have to come back to it later. He set the laptop down on the floor next to the couch and lay back on the pillow. But he really didn’t want to move from his spot. He didn’t want to face what today had to bring. If he could fall asleep, he’d sleep forever.

It had been a few hours since he last spoke to his dad. And since then, it was quiet. It was almost blissful but the smell of alcohol and cigarettes prevented him from completely feeling this way.

“Meeerrlin!” Speaking of his dad…

He rose from the couch and walked up to the door at his father’s room. He didn’t bother knocking so opened it up and poked his head through.

“I need you to run to the store,” he explained and pointed to some cash and a small list on the bedside table. He could tell his dad was starting to sober up. His words were a lot clearer than they were before. But his handwriting was still hard to decipher.

“Why can’t you do it?” He sighed, picking up the cash and paper.

“Because I fuckin’ asked _you_ , didn’t I? Get out before I lose my temper…” he grumbled, shooing him away.

Merlin rolled his eyes and shut the door. He walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth before he left and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He realized he was still wearing his school uniform from yesterday. After he brushed his teeth, he changed out of the uniform. He threw on some black jeans, a blue shirt and a plain flannel in case he got chilly on the walk. He stuffed the cash and the list into his new pants and walked out of the motorhome.

Merlin decided to give Arthur a call to see if he wanted to join him. When they were small, Arthur’s mum used to give them each some money to buy sweets at the store. It was their thing, it always had been.

He was happy to hear that Arthur could indeed join him on his shopping adventure. He said he’d meet him there in a few minutes, which is exactly how long it took Merlin to get there anyhow.

He pulled out the list from his pocket to give it a look.

_Milk_

_Eggs_

_Bread_

_Toilet paper_

_Royal Emblem whiskey_

Was his father stupid? That last one was going to be a bit impossible. He rolled his eyes yet again and continued down the path to the street. The market was just around the corner and he could see Arthur getting out of a car.

Merlin met up with him and gave him a fist bump. “Thanks for coming,” he smiled.

“Of course. This place was the shit when we were little! Can we go by the sweets aisle? I miss those little watermelon lollies.”

“Oh my gosh! I loved those! Remember when we got a whole box of them and ate them all in one sitting?” Merlin gushed as they entered the doors of the store.

“Yes! And then you dropped one on our white carpet and you started sobbing,” he laughed.

Merlin laughed with him at the fond memory. “I didn’t want your mum to get mad! It was a nice carpet!”

Their laughter slowly died down and they walked in a comfortable silence. They made their way to the candy aisle first and they picked up the same sweets they had when they were kids. It was quite the trip down memory lane.

Merlin scoped out the bread aisle, trying to find the cheapest loaf of bread. He grabbed one in the reduced price section and threw it into the shopping basket.

“What do you think of the new students?” Arthur asked him as they approached the dairy coolers.

“They’re okay. I haven’t really noticed any of them… Well, I’ve talked to one of the new guys but that’s pretty much it.”

“Mordred?” Arthur asked, almost sounding disgusted.

Merlin’s chest fluttered but he ignored it. “Yeah. He seems cool.”

“Cool? He’s the definition of _uncool_ , Merlin. He’s got a weird style, he smokes, he’s a smartass, he makes it very clear that he’s gay- which is incredibly annoying-

“He’s gay?”

Arthur stared at him blankly. “You’re telling me you didn’t know that he’s gay? You can literally tell just by looking at him. Oh, and guess what? He’s already the teacher’s pet for like, _all_ his classes. What a fucking dork.”

Merlin stared at Arthur in shock after his rant. “You don’t even know him, Arthur.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been around him enough to know that he’s an arrogant son of a bit-

Merlin walked away before he could finish his sentence. Sometimes Arthur could be such a prick! He grabbed a small jug of milk and the cheapest eggs and set them each in his basket.

“Merlin!”

He ignored Arthur, walking over to the toilet paper aisle. He picked up a four-pack and tossed it in.

“Wait, Merlin. I’m sorry for going on a tangent, okay? I just don’t like him.”

“Uh, yeah,” he huffed. “You made that pretty clear.”

Arthur stood in front of him to stop him from charging off again. “Look, we can have our differences and I won’t shove my dislike for him in your face anymore. I’m sorry. Forgive me?”

Merlin rolled his eyes yet again and sighed. “Fiiinnee. You’ve been forgiven. But I wanna know what you two were fighting about in the hall a couple days ago.”

“Well, we were partners on an assignment in sociology and you know me, I don’t like doing partner assignments unless they’re with my friends. So, I decided I just wasn’t going to do any work. I told Mordred that he can do it himself-”

“You were going to make him do your assignment all by himself? Arthur, that’s rude!”

“He’s a nerd. They _like_ doing homework! And hush, I’m telling a story. Anyway, he said if I wasn’t going to do anything, he wasn’t either. But I can’t get any fails this quarter or I’ll be in trouble. So I told him that I’d pay him to do it for me. And you know what he does? He says to me, in his stupid little voice, _“I’m not taking your money to do a job you’re supposed to do. I understand that you feel empowered by your wealth, but you can’t manipulate people below your social class just because you can afford to do so. I’ll do my work and you’ll do yours, or neither of us will do any work,”_ or something like that. I can’t exactly remember but I know it sounded stupid.”

Merlin smiled slightly as he pictured Mordred saying these words to Arthur, who sometimes, quite frankly, needed to be put in his place.

“...So, we get to work on the project and I’m typing shit up and then I look back at what I wrote later and I see that he’s edited everything I’ve spelt wrong. And then, of course, his wise-ass says something like, _“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was patronizing you but I noticed a few mistakes and I just thought I’d help.”_ How is that _not_ patronizing? And-”

“I don’t think he was saying it _wasn’t_ patronizing. I think he was saying he understood if it felt that way. He was being nice.”

“Yeah, same thing, Merlin. Anyway, he kept doing shit like that and it was starting to get on my nerves. So I finally called him out on it… I told him he can’t mess with me like that and that he’s such a smart ass. And he just nods along and says, _“good to know, Arthur.”_ What kind of idiot responds to someone instigating a fight by _agreeing_?! I’m pretty sure he’s insane. He didn’t even insult me once. Nothing!”

Merlin chuckled a bit but stopped laughing when Arthur gave him a look. “He did flip you off when you weren’t looking…”

“What? What kind of freak flips someone off when they can’t see?!”

“I thought it was funny,” Merlin snorted.

Arthur gasped like he was shocked, “Merlin! You’re supposed to take my side!”

“Am I? You’re kind of illogical sometimes. Maybe I side with Mordred on this one.”

“Oh, whatever,” he huffed.

They were now at the checkouts and Merlin still had to get one thing on the list. “Do you think they’ll let me buy a bottle of whiskey?”

“Are you crazy? You don’t like drinking. No, I don’t think they’ll allow a _minor to_ buy _whiskey.”_

“Actually, you might want to change your answer because I see Lance.” Merlin pointed over to Lance, who was at the checkout station in the way back. He waved at them both.

Merlin walked over to him and set the basket on the belt, Arthur trailer behind.

“What have you guys been up to since the get-together? Anything fun?”

“Not really, just school, “Arthur answered and set his candy down the belt as well. Merlin gave him a look. “I’ll pay you back, jeez,” he said as he pulled a five out of his pocket and handed it to him.

Lance grinned. “Just wait until you graduate. Life gets so much better. More parties, more girls, more alcohol.”

“Speaking of which,” Merlin smoothly cut in, “could you by chance get me that bottle right over there?” He asked, pointing at the case behind Lance.

“Royal Emblem? That shit’s nasty-

“That shit’s cheap, though.”

Lance smirked, “what do you think, Arthur. Does Merlin look like he’s eighteen?”

Arthur looked at him and snorted. “Definitely not.”

“Alright, I’ll let it slide. But don’t tell my boss,” Lance said and he turned around to grab the whiskey from the pantry. He scanned it and slid it into the paper bag along with the other items. “Your total is £26, even. And did you want a receipt?”

Merlin pulled the cash out of his pocket and luckily, with Arthur’s money to pay him back, he had enough. He gave the cash to Lance and picked the grocery bag up with the receipt. “Thanks for letting it slide, Lance.”

“No problem,” he winked. They waved to Lance as they exited the store. “Don’t get too drunk!” He yelled after them.

Merlin and Arthur walked out of the parking lot and headed to the park nearby to hangout. They each took a seat on the set of swings. Merlin grabbed the box of watermelon lollies and handed them to Arthur. He gladly took them and popped one in his mouth.

“Mmmm,” he moaned, “just how I remember.

Merlin giggled and took one for himself. He was right. It was like a wave of nostalgia hit him when he licked the candy. He and Arthur used to have so much fun.

He remembered that one year for Christmas, Arthur’s parents got him a Nerf set. They spent the next few months playing with them every day until they got bored. Morgana played with them sometimes, even though she was more into toy cars and action figures. One time, she scared Arthur so hard he pissed his pants. He would never be able to live that down.

One of the few memories Merlin had at his old apartment was when Arthur came over to bake cookies with him. They must’ve been really little because the kitchen was a disaster afterwards. They didn’t know how to use the hand-mixer so the batter went everywhere! His father was so pissed afterwards. His mum must’ve left by then because she would’ve never been mad at him.

He wished she was still here. He really didn’t know much about her. But he knew she had a bright presence. She was a kind and wise soul… the type of mother everyone would want. Instead of her, he was stuck with this man that barely felt like his father at all.

Merlin’s earliest memory of his father being harsh was when he was about six or seven. Arthur let him borrow his iPad- very generous for a child. He played all day with it. His father could’ve cared less about screen time. It was the noise that was bothering him. But what was a fun game without the volume being up? Merlin made a big whinny fuss about wanting to hear the sound, yelling and screaming at his father. But his tantrum didn’t last long. His father took the tablet from his hands and a hammer from his construction days. His new fun toy had broken into several tiny pieces. Looking at it now, he laughed. Who did that to a child? His father was a terrible person.

Merlin could see himself as a kid, staring out the window on his old bed. He was praying for someone to take his dad away. He just wanted someone to notice. But no one ever noticed.

“Merlin,” Arthur pulled him out of his thoughts. He jumped at the abruptness. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” he answered fakely. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Merlin made a rash decision and grabbed the bag from the ground. He found the whiskey and held it in his hands, giving Arthur a look.

“ _You_ , “ _Mr Drinking is bad for you and I’m never drinking ever again_ ”- _you_ want to open a bottle of whiskey? What’s gotten into you?”

“We only have one more year until we're adults and have to act all responsible. Maybe it’s time I start living.” With that, Merlin unscrewed the cap and poured a shot’s worth of whiskey in his mouth. He swallowed and winced at the burning sensation as the liquid went down his throat. “That tastes fucking horrible!”

“That’s the point!” Arthur laughed and snatched the bottle to take a shot for himself. He made the same wincing face as Merlin when it hit his throat. “We should get the pricey shit next time, holy fuck!”

“Wooooooo hooooooo!” Merlin screamed and jumped off the moving swing.

“Shit, man,” Arthur slurred. “How are you even drunk. You’ve only had like… umm... Oh, I’ve lost count.”

Merlin giggled and fell onto the ground on his back so he could stare up at the stars. “I’ve only been drunk one other time… Arthur!”

“Hmph?”

Merlin paused and blinked a few times. “What was I saying?” He stared blankly at the stars, watching them twinkle. “Oh, yeah! The stars! Look at how pretty they areeeee,” he grinned with excitement.

Arthur stumbled off the swing with the whiskey in his hands and slumped down next to Merlin. He tilted his head back to stare at the stars as well. He gasped at how beautiful they looked in the sky. “Look! The dipper!”

The raven-haired man giggled again. “Which one?”

“Fuck,” he swore. “There’s two?”

They both laughed loudly after that for what felt like forever. Arthur took another small sip from the bottle before passing it to Merlin, who did the same.

“My dad is gonna be so pissed,” Arthur groaned, holding his head with his hand.

“Yeah, I don’t even want to go home,” he mumbled, thinking about how angry his father would be. “You don’t think I could spend the night, could I?”

“I think you can handle getting your phone taken away, Merls. My dad would be so mad if I showed up drunk _and_ with you.”

Merlin’s face fell and he swallowed a lump in his throat. Sometimes he forgot his friends didn’t know much about him.

Something very bright suddenly hit their eyes, causing him to groan and child his eyes with his hands. Arthur mumbled something incoherent but before Merlin could ask him what he said, a loud, booming voice yelled at them.

“Alright, boys; party’s over!” A figure approached them and stood a few feet away from them.

The two gave each other looks of confusion. Merlin squinted at the figure and decided that it was a police officer. They started moving closer so he sat up and nudged Arthur in the arm to do the same.

Arthur winced when he sat up and held his forehead with his hand. “Ouch, I got up too fast.”

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” the officer spoke again. Merlin registered that it was a woman talking. She held out her hand and he stared at it in confusion. “The bottle?”

Merlin made an O with his lips and picked the bottle of whiskey up to hand to the officer. Arthur was already standing up so he did the same. But he stumbled a little bit and fell back down. Being drunk was hard work. He mumbled a curse and picked himself up off the ground.

They followed the policewoman to her car, stumbling the whole way there. Merlin rode in the back and Arthur in the front. All the lights were on and it was so bright that he had to close his eyes.

“Where do you two live then? If you remember…” She asked them.

Arthur answered first, sounding a bit more sober than just a few minutes ago. “You should drop him off first. He’s closer.”

“No, that’s okay,” Merlin cut him off. “She should drop you off first.”

“But, Merlin- oh, whatever. I can already feel this hangover…”

Merlin let out a sigh of relief. Arthur didn’t know that he didn’t live in the same house as when they were little. He wasn’t planning on telling him either.

His stomach rumbled and it was then that he realized how hungry he was. Drinking on an empty stomach really wasn’t a good idea. “So, are we in trouble?” He mumbled sheepishly.

“Uh, I’ll let you off with a warning this time. But if I ever catch you drinking in public without a parent, I won’t be so nice.”

Merlin nodded and went back to closing his eyes from the light. There was some American pop song playing softly from the radio. It made him feel sleepy, even though he had already slept for a long time. He tuned out the talking up front focused on the music.

A little while later, they arrived at the Pendragon residence. Merlin felt sorry for the shit his dad was going to give him. But Arthur never really took anything he said to heart.

“Bye, Arthur. I h-had fun getting drunk,” he said, drunk-hiccuping a few times.

“See you at school, Merlin… if my dad doesn’t kill me before then,” he chuckled and shut the car door. The officer walked with Arthur to the door and knocked. His father came out a few seconds later and appeared angry, though, not as angry as Merlin’s father would be.

They stayed talking for a bit and it looked like the officer had calmed his dad down a little. Arthur waved at him before he walked inside the house and shut the door. The woman walked back down the steps and got into the car. “Your friend has a nice house,” she commented, looking around in astonishment.

“Yeah, he’s kind of rich,” he mumbled.

“Oh, I could tell,” she chuckled. “Now, what’s your address?”

Merlin sighed, “it’s fine, I can just get out here.”

“Oh, no no no. I’ve gotta take you home, kiddo. Where to?”

“Ummm… fine. South Point Park, I live in a motorhome,” he explained.

“Alright, cool. Hey, your friend was right. You do live closer.”

Merlin just nodded and continued to zone out. He was trying to think of ways he could get off the hook. He would be in serious trouble if the officer came to the door. He’d think of something eventually.

He looked down to see that he’d received a text from Arthur. He smiled when he looked at the GIF he sent. He shot a reply, which was pretty hard to do since he was still drunk, and shut his phone off.

Even though the two of them got caught, he still had a good night. He was able to get his mind off his dad, Mordred and whatever else was bothering him whilst spending some quality time with his friend. But, he definitely wouldn’t make a habit of getting drunk.

He watched the trees out the window and as the car passed them by, they blurred together in a green line. He remembered as a kid when he dreamt of running off and living in a forest-like Sam from My Side of the Mountain. Maybe he’d bring Arthur along, or Gwen, but sometimes he dreamt of being alone, only making friends with the woodland creatures. Sometimes he still wished he could leave and start fresh in the middle-of-nowhere. But he knew it wouldn’t erase his problems.

He watched as the trees became fewer and the green line started to look more like individual green blobs. The car slowed, pulling up to the tiny parking lot near his home. Merlin sighed anxiously for what was to come. He pulled his body up and sluggishly got out of the car with the officer. It felt like his shoes were filled with cement as he slowly and painfully walked to the trailer park.

“You really don’t have to come with,” he tried, making any attempt to get her to go back.

She smiled at him, “Do you think I’d drop you off and _not_ talk to your parents?”

“It was worth a shot.” Merlin shrugged, then proceeded to stumble on a rock. Luckily, he caught himself before he could fall.

He led the way to the trailer park. He was still trying to devise a plan in his head but it wasn’t going too well. He had to think of something quick before they arrived at his home.

Merlin stopped in front of a trailer and improvised. “I just remembered, he’s not actually home. Ummm, he’s at work.”

“Sure thing. So you wouldn’t mind if I just peeked inside to make sure?” Oh, she was on to him.

“Uhhh, sure!” He nervously chuckled and led her to his home. He sucked in a deep breath and walked up to the door. He gently twisted the knob, hoping his dad was asleep in the other room so she wouldn’t see him when she peeked. But the moment he twisted it, the door was angrily yanked open with force from the other side. But his father halted when he saw the cop and the frown on his face went to a smile-- something Merlin hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Hello, Sir. Nothing too serious happened. I found your son with a friend in a park drinking alcohol so I picked them up to drop them off. He’s not in trouble with the authorities or anything like that, though I hope you give him a good talking to.”

“Oh, of course, Ma’am,” he agreed and his eyes fell upon Merlin’s. He knew what this meant.

“Well, great. I hope I don’t have to see you again, kiddo. Stay safe, okay?” She smiled and Merlin did his best to plaster one on his face too. She shook his dad’s hand before turning on her heel and walking away.

As Merlin watched her leave, every fibre of hope he had left his body. His father waited until she was just a speck in the distance before taking Merlin’s arm and throwing him inside. He slammed the door behind him and gave Merlin a shove. “What the _fuck_ was that?!” He yelled in his face. Merlin closed his eyes, getting ready for the hit. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”

He opened his eyes with hesitation. He didn’t want to see his angry face.

“You show up late, drunk and with a fucking cop?! Are you out of your mind? You do _not_ disobey me in this house, ever! And where are the bloody groceries, huh? Did you even go to the store?”

Merlin’s body shook and he couldn’t seem to work up enough courage to speak. He was suddenly so mad at himself for forgetting the groceries. He must’ve left them at the park and he was too drunk to notice.

His father shoved him harshly once more before screaming in his face. “Are you going to say anything at all? Or are you going to stay silent like you have your whole goddamn life? Hm?! Speak up, you little shit! Where are my groceries? And my money?” His father shook his head like he was disgusted and balled up his fist, fuming with anger. “What a disgrace. I’m gonna teach you a lesson and you better learn something this time.”

He got through this before, he could get through it again. Merlin wiped the tears from his face and sucked in a deep breath of air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **SORRY!!!!** I apologise not updating since... well it's actually the two month mark today ;0 If I'm being honest, I really don't like this book. But I'm gonna keep updating nonetheless. Most of this book is already finished, I just have to upload it. So I'm sorry if it's shit. I've been working really hard on a new Merthur that shows the extend of my writing much better than this does. I hope to post that soon too. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love on this book! You keep me going <3 Have a lovely day/night.


	4. Esmeralda the Fortune Teller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mordred takes Merlin to a special place to cool off.

Merlin slowly opened his eyes as he awoke from his slumber. Immediately, the pain from last night’s events shot through him like lightning. He groaned softly and sat up to re-orient himself. He had fallen asleep on the floor, which wasn’t what his body needed after his dad already messed him pretty well. He stood up from the floor and walked to the bathroom to take care of himself.

He had a bruised cheekbone, some bruises on his torso and what felt like a broken nose with dried up, crusted blood. On top of all that, he suffered a headache from all the drinking. He looked like _hell_. Merlin shook his head, sighing and grabbed a washcloth to clean up the blood. He whimpered slightly when he touched his nose but managed to stay clear from all of the other wounds. None had broken skin so he knew they wouldn’t get infected.

He pulled his shirt off, being extra careful of his bruises. His eyes watered in pain and he blinked away the tears. He stripped himself of the rest of his clothes and changed into his school uniform. But he had to do something about his face if he didn’t want anyone to see. He remembered that he had a swag hoodie from school with their logo so he threw it on, hoping the hood would cover part of his face. They weren’t allowed to wear anything but their uniform, but he probably wouldn’t get yelled at if he still had school spirit.

He was glad his father wasn’t home. He didn’t have to be quiet and he could grab something from the kitchen without him yelling. He walked to the kitchen, which wasn’t much of a kitchen, and looked in the cabinets for something to eat as well as some ibuprofen for his head.

Shortly after eating, he checked the time and realized he only had half an hour to get to school. But it took him about forty minutes to walk there. Oh, well, ten minutes late wasn’t the end of the world. Normally, Merlin would want to stay home but he knew his dad would show up eventually and he didn’t want to be home when he did. So school really was his best option. It’s not like he had a choice anyway.

He grabbed his things and proceeded to walk to school. The bag on his back rested where his bruises were, which was going to be a pain but he knew he could get through it.

Merlin finally arrived at school, ten minutes late like he’d predicted. He walked across the field and up the path to the door. There was hardly anyone out but a few stragglers were making their way to the door like him.

“Merlin!” He heard his name being yelled somewhere behind him. He turned around to see Mordred with a smile on his face walking towards him.

“Hey,” he said quietly, looking down so he couldn’t see his face.

He felt Mordred’s presence beside him a few seconds later and they walked up the steps together. “Nice jumper. School spiri-” his talking stopped abruptly and so did his walking. “What happened?”

“Oh, nothing,” he mumbled and tried to continue to the door but Mordred was quick to step in front of him.

“It doesn’t look like nothing,” he replied. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his cheek and he looked up to see Mordred staring at him with concern. He felt his face flush red. “Who did this?” He asked softly and ran his thumb across the cheek that wasn’t bruised.

Merlin allowed his hand to rest on his cheek for a minute, enjoying the affection, before pulling away from him. “I-I, umm,” he tried speaking, but his heart was still beating fast and he couldn’t seem to collect his thoughts. He looked at Mordred to see that he had a smirk on his face. It made his heart beat faster.

“Sorry, what was I saying? Oh, I was walking home last night and I got jumped. It doesn’t hurt too badly, though,” he finally replied.

“Really? It looks quite painful.”

Maybe it was a lie, but he didn’t like admitting anything, especially not to someone he just met. “I’m fine, Mordred. I’m just really not in the mood for school. I don’t know if I can sit in a chair for six more hours and listen to the teachers drone on.”

“What if you don’t have to?”

“What are you proposing?” He asked cautiously.

Mordred smiled and nodded towards the opposite direction of school. “Come on!” He began walking back down the path.

“You’re proposing we _ditch_?”

“Are you up for it? You said you didn’t want to go to school today.”

Merlin rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine,” he sighed with a smile and followed Mordred down the path.

They walked side-by-side, talking the whole way and cracking jokes every so often. Merlin was already starting to cheer up. It seemed like every time he was with Mordred, he felt happier… and more nervous. But it wasn’t such a bad feeling anyway.

Oh, there his brain went overthinking again. Every time a silence fell over them, he started doing it. He decided to fill the silence in. “So, are we going somewhere or are we just going for a nice walk?”

Mordred chuckled softly and looked at Merlin with another one of his signature looks. “Hold your patience. We’re almost there.”

But he wanted to know what _“there”_ was! He wasn’t taking him into the middle of nowhere to kill him, was he?

A few minutes after their conversation, they came to a halt at a tall wire fence. The more he hung around Mordred, the more he was convinced he was insane.

“It’s safe, I promise,” Mordred told him and walked up to the fence. He pushed open part of the fence that had been cut and climbed through with ease.

Merlin looked at the boy on the other side and chuckled nervously. “I’m not going to get arrested, am I?”

Mordred laughed but shook his head, “no, it’s perfectly harmless. You’ll love it once we’re there.”

Merlin sighed and went down on his knees, climbing through the small opening just like Mordred had. The bruises on his torso hurt a bit while he was doing it but the pain went away rather quickly.

They were in a small forest that wasn’t very thick. He could easily see through it since it was only a few meters deep. Looking ahead, Merlin could make out what seemed to be a ferris wheel. But it was covered up with trees and fog.

They continued walking further down the field of grass until the ferris wheel was clear as day. There was a giant neon sign welcoming them into the park _._ It was a theme park!

“Welcome to Candyland!”

Merlin’s eye lit up as he scanned the rest of the amusement park. It was huge! They had other rides like the ferris wheel, a giant slide, booths for minigames, a snack shack and an arcade. He was completely baffled. How had he never heard of this place? And why did it close?

“This is insane!” Merlin finally exclaimed as he turned to Mordred. “How did you find it? Why is it deserted? This is amazing!”

Mordred laughed at his excitement. “It was big in the eighties for the teenagers. They’d all come here to hang out, drink, smoke, roller skate, you name it. But after a while, people stopped coming and rides started breaking down,” he explained, “Without enough money to keep it going and fix the broken rides, they had to close. My guess is most of those teenagers moved away or it was kinda just forgotten about. I’ve seen people sneak in here a couple times but other than that, it’s a complete ghost town. Some might even say it _is_ filled with ghosts. My family moved here during the summer and I had heard about this place. I started coming here at least three times a week. It’s like a hidden palace that I have all to myself when I need my space. I guess it’s your palace now, too. If you’d like, that is…”

Merlin smiled at the story he shared and nodded. “I’d love that.”

“Great! Now, shall I give you a tour?”

* * *

“Nooo! Goddamn it!” Merlin yelled as his character fell off the battle arena. An old graphic was displayed on the screen of Mordred’s character clapping in victory.

“Mordred-six, Merlin-zero,” he smiled in triumph and grabbed a marker to write on the wall behind them.

They were in one of the smaller buildings with a vintage arcade in it. Everything about it screamed the eighties. The carpet was black with little colourful aliens and spaceships scattered about. Hanging on the walls were old video game and movie posters and neon signs. There was a counter with glass windows in it, holding the prizes and candy people could win. And of course, the best feature, the arcade games. There had to be about twenty games all lined up in neat rows and along the walls. They had everything like Pacman, Q*bert, Donkey Kong, Mario, car racing games and even some slot machines.

He was in heaven. And the arcade room was only one tiny part of the whole theme park! He was excited to explore all of the other parts with Mordred. This was just what he needed-- a place to be himself and relax, away from his father and the rest of his friends. He did love his friends, but sometimes, they got to be too much. This space was all to him-- and Mordred. He was thankful he had shown it to him in the first place. And he definitely didn’t mind sharing it with him.

“I’m going to beat you one day,” Merlin smirked, staring at the scoreboard.

“Yeah? Well, good luck with that. You haven’t had any luck yet,” Mordred gleamed to himself. He turned away from the wall to look at Merlin.

“Oh, shut up,” he rolled his eyes with a smile. He looked up at met eyes with Mordred, who’d been staring at him the whole time. He looked away from his gaze, blushing. “S-so, ummm. Can you show me around some more?”

“For sure,” he replied and took the lead, walking outside from the arcade building. “I’ll show you where I spend most of my time when I come here.”

Mordred led him past the game booths and to a building in the back that was designated for employees only. The door must’ve fallen down because there was an opening in the front that they walked right through. It looked like the room must’ve acted as a lounge or break room for the workers. There was an old couch and an armchair with a coffee table with a TV resting on it. There was a small kitchen off to the side with a mini-fridge, a microwave and a very old looking coffee container. There was a closet that had been half-opened with games and some more food in it. The room oddly smelled like Mordred-- a mix of lavender and laundry detergent. It was then that he noticed a small essential oil diffuser in a corner, probably to cover up the musty smell. The place was cosy. As cosy as a ridiculously old, abandoned theme park room could be.

“This is nice. I see you’ve brought a few of your own things in to spice it up,” Merlin spoke as he walked into the room the rest of the way.

“I thought it might make it less depressing,” he chuckled. “I’m hungry, do you want anything to eat?” He asked, opening up the mini-fridge.

“You have food?!” Merlin asked, amazed at how much better this place kept getting.

“Well, of course. You can’t make a place your home without bringing food. Do you like pizza rolls and fizzy drinks?”

“It’s what I survive off of.”

“Good, because that’s all I have.” Mordred pulled out two Colas in glass bottles and handed one to Merlin. Then he grabbed the box of pizza rolls and set a few for each of them on a plate before throwing them in the microwave.

Merlin screwed the cap off his Cola and took a sip. He moved to the armchair and took a seat while he waited for the pizza rolls. Mordred pulled them out of the microwave and set a few on a plate for him before taking a seat across from Merlin at the couch.

“So,” Mordred spoke a few minutes later. “Are you ever going to tell me who did this to you?” He asked, motioning at his face.

Merlin shook his head. “Are you ever going to stop asking me who did?”

Mordred sighed. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I just don’t like seeing you get hurt.”

“You don’t even know me yet, though. How could you care?”

His face softened and he set his bottle down on the coffee table. “Because you’re kind, Merlin. And funny and smart. And I don’t like that there are people who don’t see that.”

Merlin looked down at the ground. He felt a mix of emotions right now. It felt good that Mordred valued him like that but talking about him getting hurt made him sad. He decided to change the subject. “So, why’d you move here anyway?”

“Oh, my parents divorced and my mum thought some change would be nice.”

“Oh, I’m sorry… Do you still get to see your dad?”

He nodded and continued, “It’s fine, I’m not too bothered by it. And yes, technically he’s legally supposed to have me every couple of weeks. But even when my parents were still living together, I’d only see him about once a month. He travels for work a lot. We actually only lived less than an hour away. But my mum got a new job and she said she wanted a change. I’m she made us move anyway. I like it here and I wouldn’t have found this place if we hadn’t.”

“I’m glad you did too,” Merlin smiled. “I get bored with Arthur sometimes. No offence to him but he can be a bit of a prick--

“Oh really? I haven’t noticed…”

Merlin chuckled and took one of the pillows on his chair, chucking it at Mordred. “Thanks for the sarcasm, smartass.” Mordred laughed too and caught the pillow, chucking it back at Merlin. He took it and hugged it to his chest. “He told me about the project you two were working on in class. He was going on about how _smart_ you were being. It was hard to listen to without chuckling. I don’t know how you’re able to be so positive all the time.”

“It’s not always easy. But if you keep believing that there will be a good outcome for every situation, eventually, it starts becoming true. You’ve just gotta keep your head up high and never take anyone’s shit. They’re all dealing with their own demons on the inside.”

Merlin looked up in amazement at Mordred after he was finished speaking. He didn’t understand how he was so perfect. He always had the right words, the right wisdom. He was like an old man living in a teenager’s body. He was exquisite.

Mordred looked up to meet his eyes once again and smiled. “What?”

Merlin shook his head and looked away. “Nothing,” his heartbeat. “You just amaze me.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Merlin,” he replied with a smile that could be heard through his voice. “Now, there are some more things you’ve just gotta see.”

Mordred showed Merlin around the rest of the theme park for the next couple of hours. It felt like no time had elapsed at all. Just as Merlin began thinking he was done showing him everything, he would find something new. They had walked up to the ferris wheel and Mordred told him that climbing to the top was on his bucket list. He hoped he’d be there to help him achieve it.

He wondered what everything looked like from way up high. He’d never been on a plane before or anything else that allowed him to see the whole town. He was glad he met Mordred. He’d be losing his mind back at school if it weren’t for him. He was so different from everyone else he’d ever met; more interesting, wilder, more mature, funnier, smarter-- the list could go on. He wasn’t _boring._ Talking to him was never _boring._ Even sitting in silence with him was more interesting than sitting in silence with anyone else.

Today was just what he needed; a break from his father, from school, from his friends. He hoped they would return again soon. They still had so many arcade games to get through.

Merlin and Mordred walked through the park towards their exit. It was nearing the end of the school day and they had been there a while by now. If they were to stay any longer, his father would be mad at him. He couldn’t risk the consequences a second night in a row.

“Do you think I could tag along again next time you come here?” Merlin asked as they passed the arcade nearing the exit.

“Of course! It’s not as fun coming here all by myself. And I don’t think I could handle hanging out with anyone other than you, anyway,” Mordred reassured him.

Merlin blushed slightly and smiled. They approached the exit, where the welcome sign was, but something caught his eye that he hadn’t seen before. It was one of those fortune tellers in a glass box-- the creepy ones. He ran up to it and touched the glass barrier with his fingers. “Does it work?”

“No, I’ve tried. It’s a shame, I really like these types of things.”

“Esmeralda,” Merlin said softly, reading the name of the doll in the box. He bent down and looked at the coin slot. Damn, he had to pay. He fished in his pocket for one and surprised himself when he found one. He stuck it in and pressed the button, but nothing happened.

“I’ve given this thing at least ten pounds. I don’t think you’re going to have any luck,” Mordred told him. But he wasn’t going to give up.

He gave it a shove but there was no change. He then stood up and gave a kick but… same response. He tried one last time, kicking his foot into it with extra force. Suddenly, the lights turned on and vintage jazz music began playing. Esmeralda the fortune teller looked up and smiled. It freaked Merlin out a bit but he was too excited to care. The doll stuck her hand out and dropped a small piece of paper into the slot below. He smiled and grabbed the paper.

“Okay, I stand corrected,” Mordred chuckled and moved where he was to read the paper with him.

Merlin unfolded it and held it up for them both to see as he read it out loud. “Fear will always be present. Don’t let it get in the way.”

“That’s a nice one,” Mordred said as he moved away from Merlin. He took a cigarette out from his jacket and placed it between his lips while he found the lighter. “Do one for me.” He lit the cigarette quickly and handed the other man a coin.

Merlin sighed at the fact that he was smoking but took the coin and put it down the slot. He hit the button and the routine repeated itself. He grabbed the paper from the box and read it in his head.

“What does it say?”

“It says that you should stop smoking,” he lied. Only, he wouldn’t call it a bad lie since he really should listen to it.

Mordred smiled and dropped the cig from his mouth, walking over. “ _Ha ha ha_. Very funny, Merlin,” he said sarcastically and walked back over to snatch it from his hands. “ _Chase what you love_ … How come mine’s so cheesy?”

“You should’ve stuck with my version.”

“I don’t know… _this_ one has some truth to it,” he shrugged and exhaled the smoke in one straight line.

The machine shut off and they began walking out of the park, away from the fortune teller. Merlin stuck his fortune in his pocket. Maybe he’d hang it up later, he really did like it. “Do you? Y’know… love someone?”

Mordred sighed, “I don’t know yet. I think I’m getting there. It certainly wouldn’t be a bad feeling… What about yours? Are you afraid of something?”

“Of course I am.” His father was the biggest fear. “But I don’t really know if it’s something I can conquer. Not without getting beat up again,” he frowned.

“I’m sorry, Merlin. If you ever need to escape, just let me know. This place is yours now. I am handing you the imaginary keys,” he motioned to the theme park that was now behind them. “Just say the words and I’ll be here.”

Merlin turned his frown into a smile. “Thank you, Mordred. You don’t know how much I appreciate it.”

They came upon the fence again. This time Merlin went first. Maybe he was already starting to conquer some of his fears. They made their way back onto the main street and walked the rest of the way to school. By the time they arrived, students were beginning to pile out of the doors and the bell played a few moments later.

“I see my grandmas up ahead. I should go before they start yelling at me for keeping them waiting. I can’t wait until they find out I skipped,” Mordred said as they approached the parking lot.

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows. “Grandmas? Plural?”

“Yep, they’re married! I guess I know where I got it from,” he chuckled at his joke. It brought a smile to Merlin’s face. “I had fun today, Merlin. We should do this again.”

He nodded in agreement. “I did too. Thank you, I mean it. This cheered me up,” he said. Suddenly, one of Mordred’s grandmas honked the car horn and he jumped in surprise.

“Sorry, that’s their warning. I should get going. Thanks for today,” Mordred then opened his arms up for a hug but Merlin blocked it and stuck his hand out in a panic. Mordred grabbed it and shook it with a chuckle. “You’re so awkward, Merlin.” With that, he left to the car, giving Merlin one final wave.

He shook his head at his own antics in embarrassment. Why was he so goddamn awkward?

Merlin still had one final stop before he could head home. He walked into the school and headed towards the photography room. Since he missed class, he figured he could at least pick up what he missed and turn in some of his work early. He peeked in to see that Ms Sanders was still there.

“Sorry I wasn’t in class today,” he said as he entered the classroom.

The teacher turned at the sound of his voice but frowned when she saw his face. “Are you alright, Merlin? What happened?”

He shook his head and reassured her. “Oh, I’m fine. Don’t worry. I just came in to get what I missed today and to give you this,” he reached into his bookbag and pulled out a USB stick. “These are the edited photos from Friday. I was bored this weekend so I got them done early-- some of them anyway.”

She smiled and took the drive from him. “You were always one of my best students. And thanks for coming in for the work.” She turned around and walked to her desk to grab a few sheets of paper. “Here is what we worked on in class. We started talking about types of lighting, more in-depth than what we talked about in photography one. As always, let me know if you have any questions. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Merlin took the papers from her and smiled. Hanging out with Mordred made him happy. He was alright now. “I’m sure but thank you, Ms Sanders,” he replied and began heading out from class.

“Of course. Good luck on the assignments, Merlin.”

He headed out of the school and began his walk home with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA GAY


	5. Photos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dislike this book! :)
> 
> Uh... enjoy though? I promise it will get better at some point. I wrote the majority of this in 2018 so it's kinda shit. But OH WELL..

Merlin arrived at school early the next day, surprising both him and his friends. Normally he was late or barely on time, but he was _never_ early. He found that it had been easier to fall asleep last night since he was in good spirits about his time with Mordred at Candyland.

He walked into the school and headed to the courtyard to hang out with his friends before class started. He saw them at their normal lunch table and walked on over, taking a seat.

"You're here early... you're _never_ early. Ever!" Gwen exclaimed, surprised. "What happened to your face?! Jesus Christ, are you okay?"

It was going to be a while until people stopped asking him what happened. Merlin gave her a half-smile. "I'm okay, don't worry about it. These guys beat me up on my way home the other day."

His friends' faces softened with concern. "I'm so sorry, Merlin," Percival frowned. He had always been the sensitive one of the group. Even if he looked all buff and scary.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to tell someone? Do you know who did it? Just say their name and I'll make them disappear," Gwaine said, riling himself up with his fists balled, ready to strike at any moment.

Merlin chuckled lightly but shook his head, "It's fine, Gwaine. I think if I told anyone, it would just make the situation worse. I'm fine, I swear. It's just my face," he lied. It certainly wasn't just his face, but it wasn't worth making his friends worried.

"Is that why you weren't here yesterday?" Arthur asked him and he nodded. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought maybe you were just hungover from all the drinking we did."

"Well, that too."

Gwaine's facial expressions dropped, all of a sudden. "Merlin? Drunk? I didn't think you had it in you, mate. Nice going!" He stuck his fist out and Merlin bumped it with a smile.

Morgana rolled her eyes at Gwaine and Arthur. "You are all _so_ stupid... minus Gwen, of course. I don't understand the desire to get drunk. You have no control over your body or your mind at all."

"That's kind of the point, sis."

"But what if you do something totally stupid? And then you don't remember anything. Like, what if you kill someone?"

Arthur shrugged, "I don't think that happens very often."

"Oh, whatever." Just then, the bell rang for the start of school. They all groaned and rose up from their seats. "See ya later, nerds. I hope you feel better, Merlin. I'm sorry this happened to you."

Merlin smiled at her words and stood up from his spot, waiting for Arthur. "How did your dad react to a cop bringing you home?" He asked as they walked to their photography class.

Arthur sighed and shook his head. "Not well. I think the cop calmed him down a bit but he was still mad. He took my games, my phone and my laptop away and gave me a curfew. But mostly, he was just disappointed. And of course, he brought my grades up. He said I won't be able to hang out with my friends anymore if I end up failing my classes by the end of this quarter."

It sucked that Arthur's things were taken away but at least his dad didn't hurt him. He would take that consequence over the one he was given any day. "Damn, Ar. You know, if you need any help, I could give it a shot."

He nodded, "I know. Thanks, Merlin. How did you dad take the news?"

"Pretty much the same way you did." Lying was getting easier and easier. "He took some things away and said he was disappointed."

They walked into the classroom at this point and took their seats at the front. "I suppose it could've been worse for both of us," Arthur continued.

Class started a few minutes later and Ms Sanders said that they had time today and tomorrow to work on their photos from Friday. Merlin still had a few more photos to edit but he wouldn't need the full two days. Maybe he could work on the missing work from the previous day.

The class took the laptops from the school's computer cart and began working. He pulled the one he had brought home with him out of his bag and did the same. As he was opening up his software, his teacher walked over with a stack of graded photos. She always printed out what they turned in so they could keep them and hang them up. She set his photos down on his table and smiled at him.

"Merlin," she started and he thought maybe he was in trouble. "Outstanding work. I mean it, truly. You are one of the best photographers this class has ever seen," she smiled.

Merlin was shocked and honoured by her words. A smile grew on his face too. "Thank you, Ms Sanders."

She pulled out the photo of Mordred smoking and set it on the top of the stack. "This one is my favourite. Normally, I wouldn't condone this since it's a bit inappropriate, but I'm willing to look past that because it is remarkable. The focal point on him, the pop of colour in his eyes and the patchwork you did on the brick in the background are all outstanding. I especially like the colour grading you did. You brought out the warmth, which makes the image feel more personal and easier to look at," she went on. Merlin's heart fluttered at the boost of confidence she was giving him. It was great to hear and he was thankful to have her as a teacher. She continued, "are you considering a career as a photographer?"

Merlin nodded, the smile on his face never faltering. "It's the only thing I'm good at. I honestly don't know how I'd achieve that, though. I wouldn't be able to pay for university."

"There are tons of scholarships. And with a talent like yours, it should be a piece of cake. Never assume you won't get any, just try and you're bound to be successful at some point."

She was right. He wouldn't get anywhere if he didn't try. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind."

She shot him a thumbs-up and walked back to her seat. Merlin could feel Arthur staring at him so he turned to him and gave him a confused look.

"You took pictures of _Mordred_? Why?" Arthur asked as he looked at the stack in front of him, judging them.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Why not? It's just a picture, Arthur." Sometimes he forgot that the prat had a lot of annoying traits passed down from his father.

"He just doesn't seem pleasant to be around. He's got such an ego, you can see it in the photo."

Merlin looked at the photo and couldn't understand what he was talking about. Besides, hanging out with him yesterday proved to him how sweet he was. "I think you're just jealous."

"Jealous of what?"

"That I'm going to leave you and Mordred and I are going to become best friends instead. And then you'll have no one," Merlin grinned.

Arthur huffed to himself and turned back to his laptop. "I could never be jealous of such a prick..."

Merlin rolled his eyes at him and sighed. He turned back to his computer and loaded the rest of his pictures in. He had taken a few more photos, a picture of someone swinging on the old swing set, pictures of other people taking pictures and some carvings on a tree in a small forest to the side of the school.

He finished editing only two by the time class ended but he knew he'd have more time later.

Arthur packed up his things and followed his classmates to the cart to put his laptop away. Then he grabbed his bag, waved to Arthur and walked out of the classroom down the hall. He turned to stop at his locker before his next class but he saw that Mordred was standing in front of it, waiting for him. He shot Merlin a grin that sent shivers down his back.

"Oh. Hey, Mordred," he walked up to him with a suspicious expression. "You know where my locker is?"

"Not to sound like a stalker but I saw you over in this general direction after Arthur tried fighting with me. Plus, the sticker kinda helped..." He moved away to reveal Merlin's name in pink bubble letters stuck on his locker. _Right..._

"I suppose that does make it pretty obvious," he nervously chuckled and opened his locker. "What did you want?"

Mordred shrugged with a smirk. "Just to see you... and talk to you."

"Oh." Merlin's cheeks suddenly felt hot and he grabbed a book from his locker to block his face. "Umm, how are you?" He asked in a flustered rush.

"Oh, I'm good. I had art first hour and we're starting a new project that I'm excited about. Are you feeling any better today?"

"Yeah... I'm doing fine," He shrugged rather bluntly.

"Merlin..."

"I'm doing better, seriously. I just came from photography anyway so I'm in a good mood," he replied and started to put the photos in his locker but he stopped himself before he did. "Oh, I almost forgot. I finished editing the photographs I took of you." He handed Mordred the stack his teacher had given him. Mordred took them from his hands and his face lit up

A bigger smile made its way onto his face as he flipped through the photos in awe. "Merlin," he paused. "These are amazing. You're _insane!_ You managed to make me look good!"

"That wasn't really a hard thing to do... But, I'm glad you like them."

" _Like_ them? Are you kidding? I _love_ them! You're unbelievable, Merlin," he shook his head in astonishment.

He smiled to himself at his words. His day was getting even better. After hearing what his teacher and Mordred had to say, he was starting to think he should have more confidence in his photography.

Mordred handed him the photos and he grabbed them, setting them in his locker. He closed the door shut and leaned against it, crossing his arms nervously. "Could I possibly have your number?"

Mordred did a double-take, like he didn't believe what he'd said. His expression then turned into a smirk. "I've been waiting for you to ask."

"So I can send you the photos, dumbass," he huffed, rolling his eyes.

Mordred didn't say anything but sent him another goofy smirk.

Merlin fished his phone out from his pocket, unlocked it and handed it to him. He typed his number into his phone and handed it back to him. Merlin stuffed it back in his pocket and shut his locket. When he looked back up, he saw that Mordred had been staring at him again. He nervously looked away.

"Okay, well... bye," he grinned and quickly turned around before Mordred could say anything else. He headed down the hall towards his next class.

Later that day, Merlin walked to the courtyard with his lunch tray, happy to finally get a decent meal in his stomach. He looked over to Mordred's usual place by the gate and gave him a wave before sitting down. He began eating and, one by one, his friends slowly began to arrive at the table.

Arthur sat down next and stole a crisp from his bag without permission. Merlin smacked him in the arm but allowed him to take a few more.

"So, guys," Gwen caught everyone's attention, "I'm thinking, my father is out of town this weekend and all of next week, maybe you lot can come for a swim and spend the night? Our new flat's got a pool," she cheered.

"Sounds fun, I'm up for it," Arthur nodded, munching on the stolen crisps.

"Will there be alcohol?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, "yes, _Gwaine_. Probably _."_

"I'm in."

"What about you, Merlin? Morgana? Percival? Elyan, you're my brother so you won't really have a choice."

"Gee, thanks," Elyan rolled his eyes at her. She chuckled at this.

"Sounds good to me," Morgana said and the others simply nodded their heads.

"Great, my place this Sunday to Monday. I'll order pizza but you'll all owe me because that shit's expensive. Oh, and I met someone so is it okay if he's there too? He's new and I think making some more friends would be good for him."

"Finally got yourself a boyfriend, Gwenny?" Gwaine nudged her arm.

She shot him a look and laughed. "Not every guy I'm friends with is my boyfriend," she scolded him. "Besides, I'm pretty sure he likes guys."

"I don't mind if he's there," Percival smiled and the others nodded. "What's his name?"

"His name is Mordred. I met him at the annual party. You've probably seen him around, he goes here now. So, is that okay?"

Merlin bit his lip and felt himself zone off into his thoughts again. He wasn't as nervous being around Mordred as he was before. But for some reason, the thought of seeing him around his friends gave him anxiety. He felt like he was going to embarrass himself around him.

"Oi, Merlin!" Gwen yelled to get his attention. He instantly snapped out of his thoughts. "Are you okay with that, then?"

Arthur decided to answer for him. "He's already made friends with the idiot. I'm sure he won't mind."

Merlin smacked his arm and gave him a look. "Shut up, Arthur. Do you think you'll even be able to be in the same room as him without picking a fight?"

"Oh, I'll manage. It'd be better if he wasn't there at all but I guess I'll just have to imagine."

"Great! I'll text you guys more info," Gwen smiled.


	6. Scout's Honour

It was Photography Friday in Merlin's photograph class again. It was his favourite day of the week because of this. He could just be in his own little world, doing what he loved-- taking pictures with no worries to burden him. It was the only time his thoughts were at peace.

Today was especially exciting because they were going downtown to take pictures. Street photography had always interested Merlin. He always wanted to get out of his comfort zone and take pictures of strangers; he found it much more compelling than any regular old photo.

The class was getting their gear ready for the trip while they were waiting on the bus. Merlin took his camera and a few different lenses. He didn't bother with lighting or reflectors since part of the street photography thrill was using whatever was available in the moment. The sun was out anyway and it wasn't too bright nor was it too dark.

"Are you excited?" He asked Arthur once his gear was ready.

Arthur nodded with a smile. "There will be tons of structures and buildings for me to take pictures of. I hope we stop by some of the gardens too. The only thing better than architecture is nature photography," he said as he pulled his camera bag over his shoulder. "Are you?"

"Very! I think it'll be a good challenge for me. I'm excited to start editing them too," he grinned.

The teacher called for their attention and explained that the bus was arriving. So the class hurried up and began walking out of the building.

He and Arthur sat next to each other on the bus and talked about the sleepover on Sunday. The last time Merlin had been to one was with Arthur when they were little. The only thing he wasn't excited about was the swimming. He hated showing his body when he had bruises. It had only been a few days since the _altercation_ with his dad, meaning the bruises were still fresh and sore. But, a simple swim shirt would be able to fix that.

"I can't believe they invited _Mordred,_ " Arthur fumed grumpily on the bus.

"Oh, get over it. I'm sure once you get to know him, you'll like him."

"Since when are you and him best friends? Just last week you had said you only had a couple conversations with him."

"Well, I guess I've had a couple more. You just need to give him a chance."

Arthur shook his head. He'd made up his mind already. "Absolutely not."

Merlin sighed and looked out the window for the remainder of the bus ride. They arrived about ten minutes later and the bus parked on the side of the street. The teacher made one last announcement and then they all piled out of the bus.

They were to stick with a buddy the whole time and meet back up at the bus in one and a half hours. Their field trip was taking up time from their other class too, but Merlin didn't mind missing maths, especially when he was doing something he loved instead.

Merlin and Arthur first headed into the park to take pictures of sculptures. In the centre of the park, was a huge art installation of two people holding each other. They each snapped some pictures and Merlin even took a photo of Arthur taking a picture.

They found a couple other sculptures and a pond with a ton of colourful plants surrounding it and a small bridge across. There were a dozen giant goldfish swimming happily in the water. He wished he had a waterproof camera to get a shot up the fish from underneath but he settled with a shot from above by stepping onto the bridge.

Merlin looked around and spotted a woman and her friends doing some parkour on some big blocks of concrete. She jumped from rock to rock completely effortlessly. She even did a backflip! He rushed over with his camera, making sure to take plenty of photos of each moment.

One of the other members of the group jumped onto a high rock and did two fast flips all in one go before she hit the ground. Merlin took out his fisheye lens and got a shot of her running towards him. He thought she was going to kick him at first but she ended up jumping over him last minute.

"Sorry, man," she laughed, panting from all her hard work. "I figured it would look cool for the camera."

"No worries! You were right," he smiled and showed her the picture he just took.

"Awe, sick! Why's it look so warped?"

"It's the type of lens I used. It's called a fisheye. It makes everything look a little wacky and odd," he explained.

"Damn, that's so cool, man," she exclaimed. "Can you send that to me somehow?"

Merlin nodded. It would be doable. "Sure, do you have Instagram?"

She pulled her phone out and asked him for his handle. He pulled his page up and followed himself so he could DM her later with the picture. "Sweet, dude. Hey, can you take pictures of my friends too?"

Merlin was giddy on the inside but he tried not to show it. This was perfect! A whole group of people who _wanted_ to be photographed. This was going to be great practice and a ton of fun.

The woman had four other friends, not including the first person he took pictures of. The next one of them to go was a man. He moved so fast, Merlin was scared he wouldn't be able to capture anything. But he got a couple of good shots anyway. He could even play with the blurriness in his software to make it look extra interesting. The next to go was a very androgynous parkourer with coloured hair. They got so low to the ground when they jumped and stayed so high, it looked like they were flying! They did a turn where they hugged their knees to their chest and Merlin turned his camera with them to see the beginning and end of the jump. He was excited to see how that one would look once it was edited.

Merlin wanted to try something new with the next person. So, with their permission, he laid down between two rocks and angled the camera up. "Whenever you're ready!" He yelled up to the guy. His foot came into view on the left side of the camera, then his leg and the rest of his body. Merlin photographed every second of the jump. The guy slowly moved over to the other side of the camera until he was out of shot again.

"I haven't even seen the photo yet and I know that looked wicked!" The guy grinned ecstatically. Merlin stood up and the group crowded around him to see. He flipped through all of the photos he'd taken and they were all in awe. It felt amazing that all of these people liked his work. He was excited to edit them and send them out.

"Thank you for letting me take pictures. I can't wait to see how they turn out," he said to the group.

"Are you kidding? Thank _you!_ It'll be so cool to see what I look like when I'm doing my parkour," the androgynous person replied. They put a fist in the air and Merlin bumped it.

"Yeah, I agree. I'm gonna frame these all on my wall," one of the guys laughed.

They exchanged a few more fist bumps and then Merlin was on his way back to Arthur... _Arthur._ Shit, he had forgotten about him! They were supposed to stick together...

He hadn't gone too far. He was sure he'd find him. Merlin walked back over to where he was before but there was no sign of Arthur. He mumbled a curse under his breath. He really had lost him, hadn't he? He pulled his phone out and shot Arthur a text.

**Merlin**

Where'd you go?

**Arthur**

_**~Sent a picture~** _

Merlin opened the picture up and his face fell. It was a picture of Arthur showing his middle finger. He could admit that he deserved that.

**Merlin**

I'm sorry! I saw something that intrigued me. I won't do it again.

Forgive me? :(

**Arthur**

I'll think about it. I'm on Highland and York

Merlin nodded at the text and looked for the street. He saw Highland so he headed down the road until he made it to the intersection. Arthur was waving at him from the other side. He crossed over and met him in front of a building with pleasing architecture. He should've known he'd be over here. Arthur loved taking pictures of cool buildings.

"What happened to sticking together?" Arthur crossed his arms in a fit.

Merlin gave him a nervous smile. "There were people doing parkour. I couldn't resist! I'm sorry, Arthur. I should've told you where I was going. I won't desert you again, I promise," he held his pinky out. Arthur sighed and hesitantly wrapped his around Merlin's. They shook to finalize the pinky promise.

"Reminds me of when we got into mischief when we were little and pinky promised not to tell our parents," Merlin laughed at the fond memory.

"We were such trouble-makers."

"Where to next?"

Merlin looked across their surroundings, spotting an interesting looking area. "The fountain?"

The following week, Merlin, Arthur and Gwen were in the library upstairs after school. Merlin was helping the other two with their English essays and in turn, Gwen was helping them with maths. He was _terrible_ at maths.

The library was quite spacious and it must've had well over eight thousand books. They went way to the top of the ceiling and reached across all of the walls. They had a few rounded tables, armchairs and reading nooks for students to sit. They also had a row of desktop computers for research and finding books. The library was Merlin's favourite place in the whole school, which said something because he definitely didn't like school. It was always quiet and hardly anyone visited, which was a shame for the books, but at least it meant no one would bother him while he was reading.

"I don't even know how to start," Arthur groaned, staring at the rubric he was given for English. It had been exactly like this since they started. "What does this question even mean? And how the hell am I supposed to answer it if I can't figure that out?!"

"Calm down, Arthur. You'll figure it out, okay? What's confusing about it?"

Arthur shrugged and let his head fall down onto the table in defeat. He hadn't even been working on it for a minute yet! Merlin sighed and shook his head.

"You got the easy one, Ar. I'm the one who's stuck with a question that's impossible to decipher. Do you think we're allowed to switch?" Gwen complained.

Arthur's head shot up at this. "Yes please!"

"I don't think you can just switch. These questions are intentionally vague so you're forced to do a lot of thinking."

The two of them groaned simultaneously. The school system _was_ a bit cruel sometimes.

For the next half hour, or so, Merlin helped them work on their essays. It turned out that they just needed a little push. Once they got to writing, the questions began making a lot more sense. It was silent now, other than Arthur and Gwen's pencils furiously writing on paper.

Merlin picked up his phone and decided now would be a good time to send Mordred the photos he took of him. He opened his contacts and searched for his name but he couldn't find anything That was strange. He only had a few contacts so he scrolled through them until he found one that wasn't familiar to him.

He clicked on _"Arcade Champion ;)"_ That _had_ to be him. Who else would be so cocky? He definitely needed to change that. He sent a message first and then sent the pictures.

**Merlin**

If this isn't Mordred, just ignore these random photos...

**_~Five photos delivered~_ **

He bit his lip, waiting for a response. After a few seconds, he decided to shut it off. When he looked back up, Gwen was giving him a look. What was with everyone giving him looks lately?

"What?" He asked.

She shook her head with a smile. "Oh, nothing. You were just blushing a bit and I was wondering who you were texting."

All of the blood in Merlin's body seemed to rush up to his face. "Oh," he said, weakly. He really had to get his emotions under control. "No one..."

A few minutes passed and both of his friends seemed overworked with their essays. Gwen suggested they move onto maths instead. So he pulled out his homework and gave it to Gwen to look at.

"Oh, I love trig!" She glowed with excitement. He wished he could enjoy maths that much. "So, what you're doing on this sheet seems like a lot of work but there's a really helpful trick to doing it. Have you got a calculator?"

Merlin nodded and pulled out a graphing calculator from his bag. He set it in the centre of the table for both of them to see. She began explaining what to do and showing him the equation for the calculator. But he felt a buzz in his pocket and he started to lose focus. He tried repeating what Gwen was saying back in his head but he couldn't shake the anxiousness to read the text.

"And then, you take that answer and plug it into the equations. After that, you need to cancel out the..."

He wanted to check his phone so badly! He decided he would indeed look, but just for a second. After that, Gwen would have all his attention.

He unlocked his phone and the messages from Mordred appeared on the screen.

**Mordred**

What if it wasn't me?! You were just gonna send some random stranger pictures of my mug?

Oh my gosh, Merlin! The more I look at these, the more I'm amazed by your talent. Thank you so much! These are so cool

Merlin smiled fondly at his text and began typing back.

**Merlin**

No problem! I'm glad you like them. You weren't necessarily hard to photograph.

**Mordred**

And what does that mean?

He felt his stomach tighten with anxiety. _Fuck_...

**Merlin**

I dunno.

You're just... charming?

**Mordred**

Oh really?

**Merlin**

Oh my gosh. Stop.

**Mordred**

Hahaha

You're so cute

"Merlin!" Gwen shouted at him. He immediately shut his phone off and tried wiping the blush off his face. "Were you even paying attention?"

" _I_ was!" Arthur cut in with a grin. For once, he was paying attention.

"I'm sorry, I just got a little distracted," he apologised.

Gwen sighed and shook her head. "It's fine. But eyes on me from now on. This is vital information if you want to pass your exams."

Merlin nodded and stuffed his phone deep in his bag where it wouldn't distract him.

____________

That night, before Merlin attempted to fall asleep, he opened up Mordred's message. He never had time to reply.

**Merlin**

Sorry.

**Mordred**

You left me on read. I was starting to get worried

No need to apologise

**Merlin**

Gwen was tutoring me and I sorta got distracted texting you...

**Mordred**

Ah. I promise I won't distract you anymore. Scout's honour

**Merlin**

You're a scout?

**Mordred**

I'm not. Ironically, I don't think anyone who says that is actually a scout

**Merlin**

Hmmm, true.

**Mordred**

I'm going to hit the hay, Merlin. Good night!

**Merlin**

Oh, goodnight!

Umm... I don't mind, by the way.

**Mordred**

Don't mind what?

**Merlin**

You distracting me...

**Mordred**

Good. I wasn't planning on stopping anyway

**Merlin**

Oh.

Well, goodnight... Sleep tight... or whatever.

**Mordred**

Sleep well, Merlin :)

Merlin bit his lip, holding back a grin. He shut his phone off and closed his eyes with Mordred on his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figured I owe you two chapters today since my updates have been so scarce (:


	7. Safe at Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally lets it all out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: verbal abuse
> 
> Also, 2018 me did a weird POV change in this chapter. I literally don't even know but oh well. Btw, one more chapter until the abuse warnings are over :) And hopefully I can stop editing this and upload the rest of the book soon.
> 
> Have a good day/night <3

It was Sunday and Merlin was eager for the sleepover. He hadn’t planned how he was going to get there. But he didn’t have any cash so walking would have to suffice. It was about an hour-long walk but he felt he needed to clear his head anyway. Plus, that hour meant one less he had to spend with his father.

Merlin emptied out his school bag and packed it with an extra outfit, an extra shirt and pair of shorts for swimming, a good novel, a bag of crisps in case he got hungry, a phone charger, his toothbrush and some toothpaste. He slung it over his shoulder and popped his earbuds in to listen to a podcast while he walked.

The sun was out, which made him happy and he was sure it’d be great for swimming. He smiled as he thought about how much fun the little party was going to be. It’d been a while since he had a sleepover or been to a pool. He didn’t really enjoy swimming but he liked dipping his feet in the water.

He pushed play on a random hour-long podcast and began the walk to Gwen and Elyan’s flat.

___________

Gwen pulled open the door of her flat and welcomed in Arthur and Gwaine, hugging them lightly before they slipped off their shoes and walked in.

“Wow, nice place, G,” Arthur nodded, taking a look through her flat. He noted the giant flat-screen above the bookshelf. His was bigger.

“Don’t call me that. It sounds like a nickname some jock in a Disney movie would have. The only exercise I get is running to the kitchen when I’m hungry,” she laughed, popping the top off a sparkling water and taking a sip.

“Exactly!” Arthur turned the corner and saw a mop of curly hair sitting on Gwen’s bed. It was Mordred… and he was painting his nails. He looked up a second later and gave Arthur a fake smile.

Arthur copied the smile and scoffed. “I don’t understand why you’re even here.”

“Worried I’ll spread my _gay germs_?” he smirked and brought the tiny paintbrush to his index finger, spreading an even layer of black.

“No, I just didn’t want to be in the same room as someone with their ego too far up their own arse.”

“Well you’re always going to be in the same room as someone with a huge ego,” Mordred shot, back.

“Whatever,” Arthur shook his head and began to walk away. “Just stay away from me.”

“Gladly.”

Morgana interjected suddenly, “boys, please,” she grunted and they shut up quickly after that.

Arthur rolled his eyes and walked back to the kitchen to grab a beer. He opened the fridge and pulled one from the back shelf. Gwen stared at him and raised an eyebrow, “I’ll pay you back,” he said defensively and popped off the cap.

The guests, or a few of them, sat down in the living room, waiting for the others to knock at the door. Finally, after a long wait, Percival and Merlin knocked lightly. Gwen got up from the couch and opened the door. They walked through and shut the door closed behind them.

“What took so long?” She glared at them. Merlin apologised and gave her a hug as a peace offering.

“I found Merlin walking all the way here from home so I gave him a lift. Poor lad,” Percival gave him a clap on the back and he smiled back uncomfortably.

“Why didn’t you just ride the bus?” Arthur asked, clearly confused.

“I dunno. It’s nice out, why does it matter if I walked?”

“But your apartment is so far away!” Sometimes he forgot that Arthur didn’t know he moved from the apartment a _long_ time ago.

“If he said he wanted to walk, let him walk. He’s right anyway, it’s a nice day out. Just leave him be.”

“Oh my gosh. It was just a suggestion, Mordred!”

Merlin rolled his eyes at Arthur and sent a smile to Mordred for sticking up for him. He smiled back, sending goosebumps up his arm. He quickly looked away with a small blush.

Elyan, who had come out of his room during the nonsense, awkwardly coughed and grabbed everyone’s attention, “let’s head down the pool, shall we?”

They all agreed to listen to Elyan and head down to the pool. Part of the group had their swim clothes on already while the other half went to go change. Merlin locked himself in the bathroom and put on his spare shorts and shirt. Neither of them were meant for swimming but it would have to do, seeing as he didn’t own any swim trunks and he wasn’t planning on going into the water anyway.

He opened the door and walked back to the living room to wait for the others. A few minutes later, everyone was ready to go.

The group of eight headed down the steps of the building and into the back where the pool was. It wasn’t an outside pool but there was a glass dome wrapped around the side and the top of the room that they could see out of. A door in the back led to a large balcony if they desired to go outside. Around the room were a few lounge chairs and tables. They were lucky enough that there was no one else using the pool at the moment so they could have it to themselves.

Morgana immediately jumped into the water. It splashed up and hit Merlin in the legs. Gwen, who always insisted on wearing swim trunks, was next.

Merlin sat at the edge of the pool and stuck his feet in the water. He didn’t really feel like getting in and getting his clothes wet. Especially not when he was still sore from a few nights ago. He moved his feet around, feeling the water rush across his skin. Staring down into the water was relaxing and almost made him forget about all the chaos in his world.

Arthur, Elyan and Gwaine were next to jump in. He was a little envious of how much fun it looked like they were having. But not enough to jump in himself. Mordred looked like he was about to get in as well. Merlin’s gaze fell on him as he walked over to a table to take his sandals off and set his towel down. He took his phone out of his pocket and placed it under his towel to prevent it from getting wet. Mordred’s fingers then gripped the bottom of his shirt.

He felt his breathing hitch as he waited in anticipation for Mordred to take it off. Finally, he pulled the shirt over his head and threw it down on the table. A blush made its way to his cheeks as he traced Mordred’s bare chest and arms with his eyes. He looked slightly chiselled… He hadn’t expected that. He was always wearing a shirt to cover it up. But he had a slight outline of a four-pack and significantly toned arms, which meant he must’ve worked out. He pursed his lips together as he watched Mordred in contemplation.

Mordred suddenly turned his head and their eyes locked together. He felt a wave of adrenaline rush through his chest, making his heart beat fast. Mordred smirked at him knowingly. “Like I said, you’re always watching me.”

Merlin remained silent and looked away but a smile remained on his lips. He heard a giant splash moments later, meaning Mordred had jumped in.

“Hey, what are you waiting for?” Morgana called out to him. He gritted his teeth together uncomfortably and kicked his legs around in the water.

“Oooh, I’m fine from here,” he replied nervously. He really didn’t want to take any chances of getting kicked where his bruises were still healing. And anyway, if Merlin hopped into the pool, he’d be breathing water. His father had taken almost every aspect of his childhood away from him. Which, of course, meant he didn’t know how to swim. His mum left before she could teach him so he was pretty much screwed.

“But it’s a pool party!” Morgana sighed, sending him a pleading look. But one quick look at his face told her to leave it alone. “Alright, fine. I’ll stop bothering you about it.”

He watched them all swim around and talk in little groups. Arthur, Gwaine, Morgana and Percival had started a game of water volleyball. From the looks of it, it seemed pretty intense. The ball came flying over to him a few times and he hit it back over. It almost felt like he was part of the game.

“Hey,” someone interrupted his thoughts. It was Mordred, of course. He pulled himself out of the water and took a seat on the concrete with Merlin. The water dripped off his swim trunks and bled into the concrete next to him. He looked up from the ground to see that his curls were wet too, but still mostly held their shape. He wanted to reach up and touch them but his hands remained at his sides instead.

“Oh, hey. What’s up?”

Mordred sent him a look like he was worried. “How come you don’t want to come in? The bruises on your face are all gone, aren’t they?”

He tried opening his mouth to speak but no words left his lips.

“Are you scared of the water, or something?”

He shrugged solemnly but he knew Mordred would keep bugging him if he didn’t answer. So he did. “I want to hop in, I do. But I can’t risk my bruises getting kicked. I don’t really know how to swim anyway.

“I see. Well, your friends seem great and I’m sure they’d understand if you told them. As for not being able to swim, just stick to the shallow end of the pool.”

He was right but Merlin was still rather unconvinced. Mordred sent him another look before hopping into the water. He thought he might swim off and ditch him, but he remained in front of him in the pool. “It’ll be fine. I promise,” he said, then, he stuck his hand out.

Merlin gave it a look and sighed but, ultimately, decided to grab it. He allowed his hand to rest on Mordred’s for a short while before the other man gripped it tightly. His insides felt like lava when they touched, but he quickly forgot those thoughts once he jumped into the water.

At first, Merlin began to sink to the floor. But with the help of a hand, he remained at the surface. Eventually, he got the hang of it by shredding his legs and holding onto the side of the pool. Where Mordred’s hand once held his was empty now, which made him feel a sense of loss he’d never felt before. But he stayed by Merlin’s side anyway and his presence was comforting.

“Merlin! You jumped in!” Gwen cheered from the other side of the pool.

He nodded at her comment. “I did. But, I need something from you all if it’s not too much to ask.”

“What is it?”

“Just, be careful with me. I have other bruises that are mending and I don’t want to get hurt.”

Merlin shouldn’t have been surprised but when his friends all nodded, a wave of acceptance and understanding hit him. He really did have to trust them a bit more.

“Of course, Merlin. All you had to do was ask,” Percival said and the others nodded along in agreement.

“We’ll be extra careful.”

Gwaine climbed out of the pool suddenly and brought a speaker over to the edge. He hooked his phone up to it, selected a playlist and turned the volume up all the way. “Now… Can we get this party started or what?!”

The music filled the room and everyone started talking and dancing. It went on like that for about an hour before the group drew bored. Merlin sensed that they needed something to keep them entertained. It didn’t seem like he was the only one to think this.

Gwaine suggested a game of ‘ _Spin the Pool Floaty_ ’, to which everyone agreed was a bad idea. A few more ideas were proposed but they settled on a good, old-fashioned game of Marco Polo.

Percival ended up winning, which made sense since he was the tallest, so he could get from place to place the fastest with those long, dinosaur legs of his.

Merlin actually had a ton of fun. He was glad Mordred came over to give him a pep talk and that his friends were supportive of him. They were all laughing and cracking jokes the whole time. A get-together like this was much needed.

“We should go back inside. I’m getting cold and hungry,” Morgana proposed later and pushed herself up out of the pool.

The group agreed and then all followed suit. Merlin ran to his towel and wrapped it around his body as soon as he could. He didn’t like how his shirt clung to his body when he was wet. He dried himself off and walked out of the pool room with his friends.

When they arrived back in the flat, they all dispersed to change into fresh clothes. Merlin threw on his lazy joggers and an old graphic tee before meeting back up with his friends.

“Anyone want anything to drink?” Elyan asked them from the kitchen. “We’ve got water, lemonade, beer, Cola and-- oh. I guess that’s all we have.”

“I’ll take a beer,” Gwaine yelled to him from across the room.

“Me too,” Merlin said. Elyan tossed them each a can and passed out Colas and lemonade to the rest of the group.

Merlin opened the top of his beer and took a sip. The taste of alcohol was bothering him less and less. He supposed he had been drinking more than he ever did before... At the party for the beginning of the school year, with Arthur and a few times in between. But that was what everyone his age was doing so he didn’t dwell on it.

“What do you guys want for pizza?” Gwen asked as she took a notepad out and opened the cap of a pen so she could write orders down.

“You know me, I’ll eat anything,” Gwaine chuckled to himself.

“Yeah, I don’t care either,” Mordred agreed. Gwen nodded and looked towards the others for their opinion.

Arthur smirked and gave his order, “Elyan and I will be the _men_ and order hot peppers on ours,” he said all matter of factly.

“Shut up! It’s the twenty-first century, no sexism here,” Morgana yelled at her brother and flick him on the forehead.

“If you think you can withstand the heat, try me.”

“You’re so on, little brother,” Morgana smirked evilly and turned back to Gwen, “one cheese, one hot pepper, if you could, your majesty.”

They all decided on what kind of pizza they wanted Gwen dialled the number. A few rings later a voice came on and she began to explain the order. Once she was done, she put the phone back down and asked everyone for their share of the money, “thirty-four even. Holy shit, that’s a lot of money for some damn pizzas. But if you each chip in a five, we should be gold.”

Merlin’s stomach tightened with anxiety. He didn’t have any cash. What was he going to do? He would just have to skip out on it this time.

“No, you can all keep your money in your pockets. I’ve got it,” Arthur said and pulled out a fifty from his wallet. He walked over to the table near the door and set it down.

“What? Really?”

“I guess this is a benefit of being friends with a rich person,” Gwaine smiled happily to himself.

“Wait, what?” Mordred did a double-take. He must not have known Arthur was well off. “You’re rich?”

Arthur rolled his eyes at him. “Yes, _einstein_. And I’ve got a lot more where that came from so I might as well help out today.”

Mordred turned towards Merlin and whispered, “that explains a lot.”

Merlin chuckled rather loudly and covered his mouth, hoping Arthur wouldn't hear. But he did. Of course, he did.

“Excuse me? What did he say? What are you laughing about?!”

“Nothing!” Merlin peeped and held his hands up in defence. Arthur looked between them for a little while longer but sighed a moment later, giving up.

**_____________**

He didn’t know how, but he had gotten roped into a very innocent game of strip truth or dare. They were waiting on their pizza to come and Gwaine figured ‘ _why the hell not?’_

“...And that’s why I don’t wear hats on Saturdays during dry seasons,” Percival finished his rather intense story. The group laughed amongst themselves at how odd it was. “Gwaine, truth or dare?”

“Can I just say strip and get it over with?”

Percival rolled his eyes at him but couldn’t help the slight smile on his lips. “Oh my gosh. Gwaine, if you really desire to strip, no one is holding you back from doing so.”

Gwaine laughed like a madman and excitedly took off his shirt. “And, no… I don’t mind you staring, ladies and gents,” he winked. “Arthur, truth or dare?”

“Uhh... truth-- no, dare!”

“Okay, I dare you to knock-a-door-run one of their neighbours.”

Arthur almost smirked, “I used to do this all the time when I was a kid. I’ve totally got this,” he challenged and stood up from the ground. Everyone else rose with him and walked to the door. They stayed behind and peeked their heads out while Arthur ran across to the next door, knocked loudly on it and quickly ran away back to Gwen’s flat. He jumped inside and peeped his head outside.

An old married couple stepped out and looked around. The older lady, white thin curls and a sun hat on, turned to her husband and laughed, “I bet it was that new family who just moved in,” the old man nodded and led his wife back inside, shutting the door behind them.

“Great! Now they think we did this,” Gwen threw the palm of her hand to her forehead and groaned. She shut the door and they all returned to their seats on the ground, “your turn, Ar.”

Arthur took his phone back and looked around the circle for his prey. He stopped on Mordred and his lips curled into a mischievous smile, “Moderd…”

“It’s _Mordred_ ,” the curly-haired man rolled his eyes.

“Hmm… right. Well, truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Mordred said blankly.

Arthur didn’t bother with the app on his phone. He had the perfect dare planned, “I dare you to go straight for a week,” he explained, wanting so badly to tell him to take a long walk off a short pier instead.

“That’s not reallyhow that works.”

Gwaine chimed in, “straight for a week or a piece of clothing comes off.”

“Well,” Mordred sighed as he began to slip his shirt off, “I guess stripping it is.” He pulled his shirt off and tossed it in front of him.

“Dang, you’re actually pretty hot,” Morgana smiled, checking him out.

Mordred laughed at her comment. “Thanks, Morgana. If I ever decide to _go straight_ like your _idiot_ brother said, no offence, you’d be the first girl I’d date.”

Morgana’s cheeks turned red and she grinned from ear to ear. Merlin looked away from her in spite. Woah, where did that come from?

“Merlin, truth or dare?” He continued. Merlin chose truth, of course. Like everyone said, he was too bloody innocent. “Hmm, okay. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done while drunk?”

His face flushed immediately because Arthur knew all of his embarrassing drunk moments so he couldn’t lie. “Oh god,” he groaned and held his hands to his face.

“That bad?”

Arthur smiled evilly from the other side of the circle. “Hey, if you don’t tell them, I will,” he warned.

Merlin sighed and finally gathered up enough courage to continue. “ _The_ most embarrassing moment? I have a couple… But Arthur’s going to kill me if I don’t share this one. I’m sure you all remember it anyway,” he began. “It was at the beginning of the year celebration two years ago. I had gotten really, really drunk. And I apparently, I do some very stupid things when I’m drunk. I sorta… ummm… went around trying to flirt with _everyone._ I even tried kissing Morgana. That didn’t really go down too well since she had a boyfriend at the time. Okay, I’m done! Can we move on now?”

“You were flirting? With real, live people? _And_ you tried kissing Morgana? Are we talking about the same Merlin here?” Percival exclaimed, completely shocked. He hadn’t been at the party back then so this was his first time hearing about it. Mordred’s first time, too.

Mordred laughed with Percival, causing his face to get even redder. “Oh, shut up!” He groaned but his voice was muffled from hiding his face in his arms. Luckily, a bit of the heat was taken off him when the bell rang. Gwen got up and answered it. She handed the pizza delivery person the money and closed the door. She walked over to the group with the three pizza boxes and set them on the ground.

Elyan went to get some plates and they all went wild. They tore the pizza boxes open like wild animals and tore all of the slices out in a matter of seconds. They _were_ teenagers, after all.

“Gwen, truth or dare?” Merlin asked once they all had a few slices on their plates.

“Hmmm. Have you ever had a crush on one of your friends?”

Gwen’s face turned bright red and she shook her head immediately. “I’m definitely _not_ answering that. Stripping it is!” She decided to take her shorts off so she was just wearing boxers.

“Boxers, Gwen?”

She shrugged. “They’re comfy. Now, everyone has already gone so it’s time for repeats… Mordred, truth or dare?”

“I’ll do… a truth.”

“Hmmm, okay. I’ve got one! Have you ever liked a straight guy?”

Mordred chuckled, “I guess I’m flirting with someone who hasn’t really liked anyone before. So I don’t think he’s necessarily straight but he’s not exactly gay either.”

“Is it working?

“I think so… I really hope so.” Mordred glanced over to him and gave him a smile. His stomach did a flip. Merlin felt something in his chest. He didn’t know what it was or how to describe. But it was pleasant.

“Anyway… Elyan, truth or dare?”

Merlin’s phone suddenly rang, interrupting Elyan. He searched around in his pockets for it and looked at the screen. It was his father. Sighing, he stood up from the floor to go answer it.

“Merlin? What’s wrong? Who is it?” His friends asked, reading the worried look on his face.

“No one. I’ll be back,” he mumbled before running out the door.

He answered it hesitantly in the hallway. “Yeah?” He nearly stuttered.

_“Where the fuck are you?”_

“I told you I was going to a friend’s house but you were drunk so of course you don’t remember,” he replied as he walked down the stairs.

_“Don’t you dare talk to me that way, boy! Do you need me to teach you another lesson or did you learn from the last time?”_

Merlin froze on the line. “Why do I even need to come home?”

_“We still need the fucking groceries you forgot. So, you’re going to get your arse home in the next ten minutes and run to the store or there will be consequences. Understand?”_

Merlin pushed open the main flat door and walked outside. He sighed and leaned against one of the pillars. “I-I can’t walk four miles in ten minutes, dad.”

_“Well, you’re gonna bloody have to! Or I’m taking all your shit and throwing it out. You hear me? Get your ass home now or I’m getting rid of the couch and everything else!”_

“We’re going to be sleeping outside in the matter of days when we run out of money anyway! I might as well get used to it!” He yelled into the phone as tears formed in his eyes. No, no, no. He was _not_ going to cry!

Then, his father said something he never thought he’d say. _“No wonder your fucking mum left_.”

It felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart. “Fuck you!”

 _“No. Fuck you! You were a worthless son to your mum, a worthless son to me and a piece a shit! Showing up drunk, never getting shit done, bringing a bloody cop home?! She was smart to leave you. I wish I’d done the same. But instead, I’m stuck with some faggot for a son. So, you better get home and pick up the bloody groceries or I swear I’ll make you wish you were never born.”_ With that, the call ended. But Merlin was too shocked to take the phone away from his ear.

He stayed frozen in place, ready to break at any moment.

“Merlin?” He heard a familiar voice beside him. He didn’t turn, he didn’t speak.

Was his father right? Did his mother leave because of him? Was he really that much of a disappointment? He never fit in at school. He never fit in anywhere.

Countless years of his father’s harsh words and harm had taken a toll on him. Why _him_? Did he do something to deserve it? He’d been scared his whole life. He never knew when his father was going to get angry and take it out on him. He was scared to live in his own home. Scared to breathe, to talk, to even make a sound.

Was his father right? Maybe it was him the whole time? If he’d just stayed quiet and did as he said…. It had always been his fault. Did he deserve it? Did he do something bad to deserve the life he was given? Was he made to suffer?

The thoughts came faster than he could process them. He felt out of control and it scared him. His chest was tight and he couldn’t breathe anymore. His whole body was cold and it shook with fear. He felt like he was dying. He gasped for air but found no oxygen.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered so softly that he thought his voice might’ve gotten lost in the wind. He tried to breathe but he just couldn’t. It felt like his body was about to give out. “What’s wrong with me?” He yelled, his voice cracking.

Suddenly, there were arms around him and a body pressed against his. It felt like a shield, protecting him from the world. Merlin wrapped his arms around Mordred and pressed his face against his chest. He started sobbing… furiously. Once he started, he couldn’t stop. Mordred tightened his hold when he heard this.

He cried hard, letting out all the years of pent up emotions he’d been holding onto for as long as he could remember. He couldn’t keep going like this. He wanted it to stop.

Mordred held him securely in his arms, softly cradling his head. He, for once, felt protected. It was like he was in a cocoon. He couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see anything, couldn’t feel anything from outside their bubble. It was warm and it was safe.

Mordred wanted to protect him from the world at that moment. If he let go, it felt like something bad was going to happen. He was safe in his arms. No one could get in and no one would hurt him.

He felt Merlin shake with each sob. His body was cold and weak. The tears soaked into his shirt. They felt like shards of glass; so much pain in each one.

He ran his thumb up and down Merlin’s back, warming him up, showing him that he wasn’t alone.

Slowly, his sobs died down. But he was still crying. And Mordred could still feel the pain radiating off of him. His breaths became desperate so he leaned away so he could get air. Merlin placed his chin on his neck and breathed in the fresh oxygen. But he choked up and became desperate again.

“Merlin, breathe with me. Okay?” He spoke for the first time in forever. He inhaled deeply, counting to four in his head. Then exhaled, just as deeply. He did it again and felt Merlin’s chest move against his in unison. “Good.” He repeated it again, until he could feel that he was no longer shaking or gasping for air.

Merlin put his face back down in his chest. Mordred could still see a few tears streaming out of his eyes. He continued to rub his back.

The door opened and Gwaine’s face popped out. He shook his head at him and Gwaine took the hint, returning back into the building.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin spoke softly a few moments later. Hearing his voice like that broke Mordred’s heart.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Merlin began shaking again. He felt new tears soak into his shirt. He held him closer and repeated all the steps again.


	8. Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin finally leaves home.
> 
> TW: brief mention of abuse

Merlin felt defeated the next day at school. And worst of all, his friends wouldn’t stop asking if he was okay. After crying in Mordred’s arms last night, it was obvious something had happened when he went back into the flat. But he didn’t speak to anyone the entire time. Not one word. It was a little better today, but he wasn’t his normal Merlin self. He wouldn’t be for a while.

He was in his third-hour class and his head was down on the table. He wasn’t paying attention, wasn’t talking or doing his work. He blocked out all the noise and shut his eyes from seeing anything. It was like he was back in Mordred’s arms.

School, right now, acted simply as a space for Merlin to be. He was going to stay as long as he could until he could figure out what to do with his home situation. He wasn’t living there anymore, that was certain. But if he wasn’t going back, where was going to go? So far, his plan was to take some of his blankets and a pillow from the trailer and find someplace else in the park to sleep. Maybe he’d even steal some money from his dad to last him until he got a job. That would work. He added it to the list in his head. He would use the money only for food and emergencies.

If he got a job that paid reasonably well and worked whenever he wasn’t in school, he could afford the food he needed, some bus passes and an upgrade to his living situation. The problem was, who would hire him? He was officially homeless, had no recommendations, no nice clothes and no experience. The only jobs that didn’t care about those things, were ones that paid terribly.

The bell rang, interrupted him from his thoughts. He sat up from the table and opened his eyes, squinting at the harsh lights. It was lunchtime… finally. He grabbed his bag and started walking to the door but his teacher called his name. He sluggishly turned to face him.

“If you fail to pay attention in my class again tomorrow, you’re going to have to stay after school for detention,” he told Merlin.

He nodded silently and continued on his way out.

“Merlin… are you alright?” His teacher added with concern.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” His voice stayed flat when he said this, dull. He turned around slowly and headed towards the canteen.

__________

Merlin walked home from school with a load of anxiety weighing him down. This was it. He was going to break free from his father. As long as he wasn’t home, he would go through with the plan; steal some cash, take his blankets and get the fuck out of there.

He squeezed the sides of his backpack as he neared the park. It felt like his whole life had been leading up to this moment. Of course, it would all be for nothing if his father was home. But he was usually gone when he came home from school. He’d be out with his friends getting drunk in pubs or at some chick’s house… or passed out in his room.

Merlin walked his normal route, weaving through the trailers until he found his. The lights inside were off, which was a good sign. There was no noise from the telly or any other sounds. He anxiously grabbed the handle and twisted it. Perfect. It was locked. He took his keys out and opened the door, walking inside. He was hit with the smell of cigarette smoke, which instantly made him think of Mordred.

He did a quick look-through of his old home, making sure no one was home. He felt a relief- like a load of bricks had been lifted off his shoulders. He moved quickly, searching around for any money. His dad could come home at any moment. He went to his father’s dresser and pulled out a couple drawers. Finally, the third one had a twenty and some loose change. He checked under his pillow next and found a pack of cigarettes and some more change. That was it?! Certainly he had more someplace else?

He sighed in disappointment. He was hoping for more. He swiftly moved to the closet, digging through everything. He searched through miscellaneous bags and boxes, finding nothing but old receipts, bottles of alcohol and a suspicious white powder in a bag.

“Come ooon,” Merlin groaned and frantically looked around the closet some more. He saw a shoebox at the very top shelf but he was too short to reach it. He scooted a chair over and stepped on, reaching to the top until he could feel the box with his fingers. He grabbed it and opened it in a rush and smiled at what was inside. A wad of rolled-up cash. Merlin was always wondering how he bought all his alcohol. This must’ve been how. He grabbed it and stuffed it in his pocket. But something else in the box caught his eye.

It was a picture of a woman holding a baby. It looked like it could be his mum but he could barely remember her. The picture was in a thick black frame and one of the sides had some writing on it.

_“Hunith with one-year-old Merlin… 2004”_

His lips curled into a smile. He imagined she was a great mother. Anyone would be better than the father he had now. He took the picture out of the box and placed it into his backpack. He had to get a move on. He only needed some blankets and a pillow now. The clothes in his backpack and on him now would have to do. It would be winter in a few months and he had to stay warm. But hopefully, by then, he’d have a roof over his head.

He walked into the living but he stopped dead in his tracks. His father walked through the door with a cold stare on Merlin. He froze. It was like his brain stopped working. His father moved towards him and he darted away, but he didn’t make it far before he caught up to him.

The rest seemed to pass in a blur. His father had managed to get a couple hits in, but Merlin managed to fight back. He delivered a few blows, surprising himself and his father.

When there was an opportunity, Merlin took off running back into the bedroom as quickly as he could. His father’s hand came close to touching him but he slammed the door in the nick of time and locked it. His breathing picked up and he frantically thought of ways to escape. His eyes travelled to the window. “Yes,” he whispered and moved towards it. He unlocked it and pushed it open.

“Get your fucking arse in here, this instant!” His father screamed.

He grabbed the same chair as before and pushed it up against the wall. He climbed through the window, his body screaming at him for putting pressure on his bruises and cuts. With all the energy he had left, he squeezed through the tight fit and jumped out. He was free!

Merlin ran as fast as he could, getting as far away from his trailer as possible. The pain felt like it was consuming him and running made it worse. But he just had to get far enough away so that his father couldn’t find him.

He ran to the last row of trailers in the park. Just after this, he would finally feel safe. But something caught his foot, a rock in the ground. His body flew into the air and he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get back up after he fell. He prepared himself for the pain he would feel as his body hit the ground.

 _Thud!_ He made contact with the ground, and it was at that moment that he felt his body give up.

A darkness spread over his eyes, consuming him.


	9. Anarchism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin meets his new roommate and learns to "let loose"  
>  _TW: slight mentions of past abuse and bruises_

Merlin slowly awoke to the sound of faint incoherent words and somebody repeatedly shaking him. He slowly opened his eyes to see nothing but a blurry figure, but the noises from the mysterious figure started to become clearer.

"Are you alright, mate?" Merlin could finally identify the voice as something that belonged to a younger male. "Come on... Wake up, already," he shook him again.

Merlin's vision finally cleared up and he swatted the boy away. "I'm fine," he said but groaned loudly right after. He was in an immense amount of pain and a stranger shaking him was not doing anything to soothe his ache.

"You're not fine," the boy frowned and helped him sit up so he wasn't lying in the grass.

Merlin took the time to look in detail at the boy. He had hazel eyes with large pupils, thin light brown hair that hung just above his eyebrows and a surprisingly sharp jawline. Something about him looked familiar, like he knew him from somewhere. But the pain in his head made him think he might be concussed, so it probably wasn't best to trust his judgement.

"I'm William, but just call me Will. William is really long and all professional and I'm kinda like the exact opposite of that. I mean, not that I'm not mature..." he said quickly. "Anyway, I think we're neighbours but we've never met before," he smiled, sticking his hand out for Merlin to take. He stared at it for a while before taking his good hand and shaking it awkwardly, "and yours is..."

"Huh? Oh, I'm Merlin," he stumbled on his words before pulling his hand away from the grasp. The boy seemed to talk like rapid fire. He could barely keep up.

"What happened?" He asked on a more serious note.

"None of your business," he said bluntly. The man blinked at him like he hadn't expected it. Merlin's face softened. He was only trying to help. He didn't have to be a dick to him. "Sorry. A lot's happened in the past forty-eight hours."

Will shook his head with the smile that hadn't yet faded. "No, s'alright. I shouldn't have asked at all. It's really none of my business... Not that I don't care! I just don't want to invade your privacy but-- Shit, I'm rambling again. Anyway, let me help you. You just so happened to fall right in front of my place! Pretty convenient, hm? I have to warn you, though, it's not the cleanest. But I did go to nursing school for a while before I dropped out so I have excellent first aid skills. Not that I-"

"Ummm, sure. Why not?" Merlin interrupted him from going on. The boy sure liked hearing himself talk.

Will smiled and stood up from the ground. He stuck his hand out to help Merlin up. He gladly took it and let him lead him to the trailer. He opened up the door and walked inside, Merlin following suit.

The room was the same size as his, obviously. But it seemed a lot smaller with how dirty it was. Clothes were everywhere and boxes were piled on top of each other in the corner of the space. Leftover plates from meals, sheets from the bed lying in a random spot and books scattered.

Merlin's eyes drifted to his couch and they widened at the sight. There was a syringe lying there, a spoon and an empty bag. He suddenly felt a little scared, but the fuzziness in his head hindered his decision-making skills.

"Sorry, you weren't supposed to see that," he said shyly and threw a pillow over them.

"I-it's fine." It probably wasn't but he figured if Will was a serial killer, he would've been dead by now.

"I'm not some crazy addict or anything. Honestly, I don't even use that stuff that often," Will objected quickly.

"Okay," Merlin mumbled emotionlessly and followed the boy to the other room. He was suddenly having second thoughts about going into this stranger's home. Wasn't that something you were never supposed to do? He thought for a moment about running back outside but his body seemed to have a different idea.

"Take a seat on the ledge of the tub, kind sir," Will told him while grabbing a first aid kit from the cupboard above the sink. Merlin did as he said and the boy joined him once he had the proper medical things. "So, how old are you?" He asked Merlin as he dabbed at the cuts on his face with a cloth.

He winced at the stinging and stuttered his next word. "Se-- ow, fuck!" He groaned at the pain. "Ah, I'm seventeen."

"Nice, almost out of the Hell hole we call school," Will smirked. "I graduated a couple years ago," he answered and threw out the cloth he was using on Merlin's cuts. He took some sort of cream from the kit and applied it on afterwards. "God, that makes me feel old. And I really haven't done anything with my life at all, other than drop out of medical school. Everything gets put into perspective when you're living in a place like this, though, right?"

"Are you living on your own?"

"Yep, I have been since I was your age. My parents suck. They kicked me out three years ago when I came out to them."

"You're gay?"

"I'm pansexual- and don't you dare say I like frying pans! Only other frying p-- I mean pansexuals can say that."

Merlin quirked an eyebrow at this. "What's that mean? Is it like being bi?"

"You are very uncultured, aren't you?" Will stared at him. "It just means I like people regardless of gender. It just doesn't matter to me; male, female, non-binary or whatever the fuck people are calling themselves these days... It's like going to an ice cream shop and one of your mates has a favourite flavour but you just try something new each time. And then the employee asks you if you're sexually attracted to waffle cones and you're like, " _no, I just fancy ice cream_." ...All different kinds of ice cream, Merlin. Even that sherbert shit."

"You're an odd one, Will," Merlin chuckled. It was the first time he had smiled in days. Will smiled back undid a roll of bandages. He took Merlin's hand, causing him to nearly scream in pain, and began wrapping the gauze around it.

"So, why'd you ask? Are you questioning your sexuality or something?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What? No! Why would you think that? I'm not gay!"

"Oh, really? I picked up some intense gay vibes. So, you like girls, huh?"

"Well... no."

"So then... guys?

Merlin stayed silent, his gaze dropping to the floor. "I don't know yet." It seemed no matter where he went, he could never escape the question.

"Hey, and that's valid." Will removed his hand and closed up the emergency kit and put it back in the cupboard. "I did what I could but you should probably get it looked at by a professional," he explained as he walked over to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

"I can't even afford a bus ticket... How do you expect me to pay for a doctor?" Merlin laughed and stood up from the edge of the bathtub and followed Will.

"Oh, right. I don't know, get a job?"

"Where do you work? Maybe you could snag me an application form-"

"I'm sort of... self-employed," Will smiled awkwardly. When Merlin realised what he meant, he stayed silent. "It's not as bad as you think... still wouldn't recommend it though."

"No, I'm not looking to get arrested. I'll probably try to get a job at Dairy Queen or something."

"They only pay twelve an hour- which is pretty damn good but not when you're trying to live off it. You need something that pays at least a little more," he explained.

Merlin sighed. "How much do _you_ even make?"

Will smirked and raised an eyebrow. "It's not too bad. But if you don't want to get arrested, don't work with me. I've never been caught but it could happen. Just go get your job at DQ."

"I'm not ready for those ridiculous hats," Merlin joked. But his smile fell shortly after. "But I don't think someplace that isn't a fast-food chain would hire someone like me."

"No, they wouldn't."

"Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence," Merlin said sarcastically.

"Well, it's true. Your shoes look like a homeless man gave them to you."

"I _am_ a homeless man."

Will paused and looked at him like he was crazy. "Really? I thought you lived over here..."

"I _did._ But I have a shitty dad and a shitty life so I'm starting fresh." Merlin leaned against the bathroom door frame and looked out the window. It was still dark outside. He thought he had been knocked out longer than he really was. He was starting to worry about where he was going to sleep tonight. Being unconscious provided him with a little rest, but the dangers of the world were always awake.

"Did he do this to you?" Will questioned, worry laced in his deep voice as he pointed to Merlin's face.

Merlin paused for a long time but finally gave in and answered. "Yeah," he sighed.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. That's not right."

Merlin tried his best to give him a smile, which turned out to be nothing but a flash of a ghost of one. "It's alright."

There was a silence that came over them and the feeling of worry consumed Merlin once again. Where was he going to sleep tonight? And all of the other nights. He was finally free from his dad but had nowhere to stay, no blankets from home and probably not enough cash to find a place to stay. Plus, he was in pain. Sleeping on the ground tonight really didn't sound appealing.

"Well, thanks for the hospitality," Merlin thanked Will. He stopped leaning against the frame and walked over to the front door.

"Hey, wait! You don't have a place to stay tonight, do you?"

Merlin closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head. "No," he scoffed. "You know of any places that would take me in?"

"Yeah, _here,_ " Will suggested. "You can sleep on my couch."

"I just met you. How do I know you won't murder me in my sleep?"

"Well, you don't. You'll just have to take my word for it. Plus, I just aided you and that would all be for nothing. I'll even be kind and give you my bed since you're bruised all over."

Merlin sighed, thinking about the offer. He supposed he could leave at any minute if things got strange. Besides, he really didn't have any other choice. "Alright, if you say so."

**__________**

Merlin woke up in an unfamiliar bed the next morning. He looked around in a panic for a moment before he finally remembered the events of last night. He sighed in relief.

The birds were chirping outside and sunlight was pouring in from the window. But he pulled the covers over his face to block it out. If he couldn't enjoy the day, he didn't want it gloating in his face. He should be happy. He didn't have to deal with his dad any longer. But now, he had so much more responsibility. He had to find a job-- one that paid well, find someplace to stay, support himself being all alone in the world, and be able to afford food, all while still going to school. It was going to be a big challenge and right now, he didn't have any motivation. He just wanted to stay in bed all day.

The more Merlin thought about it, the more he began to get angry with himself for not getting a job sooner. He just figured that he would get one once he graduated, but he should have been planning ages ago. When he was around fourteen, he made some money by dog-walking, which was how he could pay for the bus. If he had a job back then, he could certainly get one again.

Merlin pushed the covers off his body and stood up. He winced at the bruises all over his body and held his throbbing head in pain. This day was going to be hell to get through.

He found his bag on the floor and rummaged through his things until he found an extra pair of boxers and a plain tee. He slipped them on and slung the bag over his shoulders. He wasn't going to school today, that was for sure, he didn't feel up for it, but he didn't want to overstay his welcome either. Merlin pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried turning it on but it was dead. Damn. He was glad he'd brought a charger in his bag to the sleepover. Maybe Will wouldn't mind if he stayed a little longer to charge it.

He walked into the main room to ask him, but he wasn't there. Merlin suddenly felt very awkward being in his place alone. But, just on cue, the door handle turned and Will walked through carrying a plastic bag.

"Oh, you're awake. Good," Will smiled. "I ran to the store and picked up some aspirin for you. And I got us pancakes! I hope you like pancakes... I didn't really think about you not liking pancakes. But it's kind of a universal thing, y'know? Honestly, I'd be a bit shocked if you didn't like pancakes. I could eat them every day of my life and never-- Shit. I'm ranting again, aren't I?"

Merlin chuckled at his comment. He did have a tendency to talk a lot, but it didn't bother him. "No, I love pancakes. The last time I had one was..." he thought hard but he couldn't seem to remember when he last had them. His father never made any. But he remembered having them before. It must've been his mother.

All the colour seemed to drain from Will's face. "Please tell me you've had pancakes before, Merlin."

"No, I definitely have. It must've been when I was really little. Either way, thank you for getting me breakfast. And the aspirin. My body is killing me."

Will smiled and handed him the bottle. "I figured as much. Cups are in the middle cupboard above the stove."

Merlin nodded and walked over to the kitchen, which was only a few steps away. It was a tiny trailer but not much different than his. He reached up for the cup and winced in pain, letting out a curse. He grabbed a yellow mug from the cabinet and filled it up with water at the sink. He took two pills from the container and washed them down his throat with the water.

"Could you grab some plates too?" Will asked him from the couch. He reached up and grabbed two plates and two forks. Walking back to the couch, he set them down on the coffee table.

"Can I plug my phone in somewhere?"

Will nodded and pointed beside the couch to an outlet. He bent down and plugged it into the wall. "Do you want chocolate chip or blueberry?"

Merlin absolutely loved blueberries so he took the blueberry pancake. "Do you mind if I stay a little while after I finish my pancake, so it can finish charging?"

"You can stay as long as you want. I've always wanted a roommate. I won't even make you pay half the rent until you get a job."

Merlin's eyes widened in surprise and relief. "Really? You'd let me?"

"Hey, I've been in your shoes before. Living on your own before you're even ready is difficult. I barely made it out alive. If I can help someone like me from falling through the cracks, I'll do it. Although, you'd have to be willing to sleep on the couch."

Merlin smiled at this. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was the best news he'd had in a while. "Don't worry, I've been sleeping on a couch my whole life."

"It's settled then," Will stuck his hand out for Merlin to grab, "welcome to my crib, roomie!"

Merlin spent the majority of his day on Wednesday on the laptop he took from school. Yesterday, he'd done the same thing; editing the parkour photos he'd taken. But he was job hunting today... and failing miserably. So far, he found a job at the supermarket where Lance worked but they only paid ten an hour. He found a Dairy Queen job that paid twelve and a dishwasher for minimum wage. He _had_ found others but none he was qualified for or the correct age. Of course, there was always McDonald's but why the hell would he ever apply _there_? At least, now that Merlin had a home, he could take his time finding a job.

After what felt like hours of research, he sighed, shutting his laptop. He just wanted to go back to bed and pull the covers over his face but he instead grabbed his phone to check if it was done charging. Indeed, it was. He saw a message from Arthur and pulled it up.

Arthur

Where are you? The gang's worried about you

Hello?

Merlin

I didn't feel like coming into school today.

There was a text from Arthur immediately after.

Arthur

Is something wrong?

Merlin

I'm fine, Arthur.

Arthur

But something happened at the sleepover. Ur acting all depressed now

Merlin

I'm okay.

Arthur

Fine. Whatever then

Merlin sighed in annoyance and turned his phone off. He didn't really know why he was annoyed but he was. He just wanted a day off from life. He didn't want to deal with the shit he had to put up with every day. Was that too much to ask for?

On the bright side, he had a place he could call home now. It was a comforting feeling. Merlin had even set up the picture of him and his mum on the table next to the couch. He had made it a habit to look over to it when he was having trouble... ask his mum what he should do to fix his problems. So far, there'd been no answers.

Merlin got up from the couch and headed to the toilet to take care of his business. Will's door was open and he peaked on the way past. He was doing something on his desk. Merlin took a few steps back and leaned against the doorframe, looking in.

Will was sorting through little baggies of powders and pills with a pair of gloves on. He was grouping different types together and placing them into separate bags. There was a scale on the desk for weighing out the drugs and a small journal to keep track of everything.

Merlin felt like he should be scared but he wasn't. He still felt numb from everything. Maybe his brain had decided to shut off his defence mechanisms. He stood, looking at the desk with his arms crossed.

"That's quite a process you've got there," he said, announcing himself.

Will jumped in his seat like he had scared him. He turned to Merlin with a smile. "Jesus, you scared me. I'm not used to having someone else in my home yet."

"What would you do with all this stuff if a cop came in?" He asked, suddenly quite curious about his process.

"I can't tell you that. What if you're actually an undercover cop? Like on 21 Jump Street where the cops act like teenagers and bust people. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, maybe you're too young. Now I just sound like a boomer. But seriously... young Johnny Depp was in it? He was actually my first guy crush. Wasn't he cute? Shit, what was I saying? Oh, right! No, I cannot reveal my secrets yet, Merlin!"

He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine." He walked in the room the rest of the way and looked down at the desk. Will weighed a bag out and wrote it down on the paper under a name. "You're insane," Merlin said.

"Maybe so. But I make mad-cash off it. I even get a little for myself," he winked.

Merlin shook his head. He never understood the appeal of drugs. But maybe that was because he was pretty sure his father was on them half the time.

"After I'm finished here, I have to go to the laundromat to wash some clothes. Do you wanna come with? I'd imagine you want to clean the blood off your shirt."

That was probably a good idea, so Merlin nodded his head.

"Sweet, I'll only be a few more minutes."

Merlin left his room and headed to the bathroom to use the toilet. Maybe going outside would be good for him, even if he was a little scared to leave the trailer. Part of him feared that his father would be out there waiting for him, but he knew it was irrational... He'd be okay.

He washed his hands and opened the door just as Will came out of his room. Merlin grabbed his clothes and took the money he'd stolen from his dad in a pocket of his bag. The rest of his clothes were already inside so he slung it over his shoulder and followed Will out the door. He had a laundry basket in his hands already.

They walked into town but Merlin was looking behind him the whole time. He was being paranoid but his father could make an appearance at any moment and he had to be ready. They crossed the street to the laundromat and he finally stopped looking around. He pushed the door open and held it for Will.

"Thanks," he smiled at him and walked through. They headed for a machine in the back and Will began unloading his clothes. "You can put your clothes in with mine if you want. I don't think there's really a point in starting a whole new load for just a few items," he said, referring to Merlin's skimpy collection of clothing.

"Oh, thank you. Here," he said and handed him a few twenty pence coins. He threw his clothes in along with his and the other man started up the machine. They both took a seat on the chairs to wait.

"So, how come you're not in school today?" Will asked him. Merlin sighed and shrugged in response. "It's okay, you don't owe me an explanation."

"I just don't feel like trying right now," he answered truthfully. "I'm sick and tired of everyone looking at me with pity. I just need a few days to cool down. I don't think school would be the best idea after all this," he said, referencing his bruises. "The aspirin helped, though."

"You're probably right. But, in my experience, it's good to surround yourself with people when you're sad. Keeping everything bottled up and being all alone isn't good for your health. I learned that the hard way," he frowned.

"That's true. I'm sorry you had to go through it alone, Will. I'll try going back on Thursday."

"Good," he smiled and stood up from his chair. "Come on, let's go somewhere while we wait."

Merlin followed Will back out of the laundromat. They walked further into town, past the grocery store he and Arthur went to, until they reached another set of buildings that reached around a couple blocks. If they were to keep walking, Merlin's old home would be just up the street.

On the block was a music store, an art shop, a restaurant, a cafe, a bookstore and a thrift store. He wondered which one they were going to head into. They only had about twenty-five minutes longer until they had to go back to dry their clothes.

Will walked up to the music shop and Merlin followed him in. He couldn't remember if he'd ever been inside. The walls were bright red to match the logo, covered with copious amounts of guitars and bases. On the floor were miscellaneous amps and drum sets. They were playing a rock song over the speakers that Merlin recognised as Green Day.

"Do you play an instrument?" Merlin asked him once they walked through the door.

Will nodded. "Guitar! Believe it or not, I do have a hobby outside of drugs," he smirked and walked over to the small collection of electric guitars. "Do you play anything?"

"Oh, I wish. I sing in my head, sometimes, but I don't think that counts. I really do love listening to music, though," he rambled. "Speaking of which, I just remembered I never grabbed my earbuds before I fled from my father's."

"They've got earbuds and headphones you can buy right over there," Will informed him and stuck a finger in the direction of a corner in the other room.

He walked over to the stand and looked at all the available choices. There were some expensive earbuds that he definitely couldn't afford, and then a much smaller selection for the cheaper ones... _slightly_ cheaper. His eyes widened at the price tags that only seemed to be getting bigger the longer he looked.

He sighed, giving up and joined up with Will again at the guitars. He had picked up a guitar with a pearly, red coloured body. Will's face looked shocked so it must've been _some_ guitar. He sat down on an amp and held it in his arms.

He put his fingers on the neck and his other hand on the strings and began playing a song. Merlin recognised it as some Led Zeppelin song _._ He was pretty good, too! He moved his fingers along the strings of the guitar in a rhythm. He had mastered the chords and knew exactly where to place his fingers. Whatever effect he had on the guitar made it sound just like it did in the original song.

Will's head rocked as he played and it seemed like he was really getting into it. The whole song was flawless, never a mistake. Once he was finished, he set the guitar down on the holder and looked at the price. "Holy shit! That's an expensive guitar..."

"Everything here is expensive. Even one of the earbuds I saw was, like, forty pounds," he agreed.

Will looked over to the earbud station and then at Merlin and back to the earbuds. Merlin was honestly a little scared from the expression on his face. "Oh no," he said, "what's that look?"

"If it's too expensive... steal it."

"What?!" He yelled rather loudly, causing Will to shush him.

"It's a big store and there are, what? _Three_ workers here, at most? I've stolen things bigger than those dinky, little earbuds. You could just slip it out of its packaging and stuff it up your sleeve. It's a piece of pie!"

Merlin rolled his eyes at him. "I'm pretty sure it's cake, not pie. And no, I'm not stealing anything. I'll just have to skip out on them until I get a job. Or find them elsewhere for cheaper."

"Those earbuds should be free anyway. You shouldn't have to pay for music. You'd be doing the universe a favour!"

"I don't think anarchism is an excuse for stealing... but I guess that's the whole point of anarchism..."

"Come on, Merlin! Live a little! Don't you think you deserve to have a little fun after dealing with your dad's shit for all those years?"

This time, Merlin didn't roll his eyes. He looked over at the earbuds he wanted and bit his lip, thinking. Then, he glanced over to the workers. One was at the counter on the opposite side of the room they were standing in. The other was helping a customer out in a sound-proof room. Neither one of them would be able to see him. He sighed and crossed his arms.

"You're a real bad influence, you know that?" He huffed, which made Will's grin bigger. "What if I get caught?"

"You better not. Then, we're both in big trouble. Just, casually walk over there and pretend you're browsing. Grab one, take off the packaging and put it up your sleeve or your pocket. Maybe I'll even buy something myself so they're not suspicious."

Merlin sighed once more and uncrossed his arms. He could do this. Will was right. He did deserve to do something fun. He had to learn to live a little. And this was his chance.

"Not to rush you or anything, but we have to head back in less than ten minutes," Will said. But Merlin ignored him, he was too focused on how he was going to steal the earbuds.

Will sat back down with his guitar and started to play again. He pretended to watch him for a bit but began his walk towards the earbuds. With each step he took, his heart beat faster and faster. How did he get roped into this in the first place?

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was about to happen. Finally, Merlin made it over to the stand and began _browsing._ He spotted the one he wanted; not too expensive but not too cheap. If he was going to steal something, it had to be worth it. Generally, the more pricey the item was, the bigger the box. Luckily, his were in a smaller container.

They were certainly nice looking and just the packaging itself looked expensive. Without hesitation, his hand moved towards the shelf. His fingertips touched the sides and he grabbed it, slipping it in his sleeve effortlessly. Damn! He was basically already a professional. He didn't know he could be so swift!

"Finding everything alright, sir?" A voice surprised him from behind. He hadn't seen, had he?

Merlin turned around, pretending to be calm. He couldn't get caught and risk them sending him back home with his father. He collected himself and forced a smile onto his face. "Oh, yes. Thank you," he said sweetly.

The man smiled back at him, completely unsuspicious. Good. Now, all that was left was to remove the packaging and leave the store. Will had suggested he take the packaging out right there but that wasn't going to do.

"Actually, do you have a bathroom I could use?"

"Sure, but you have to buy something. And I'd have to take the bag from you," he said and nodded towards the bookbag on his back.

Merlin's cheeks turned a darker shade. He could do this! It was just a bag... "I'm pretty sure my friend is planning on buying something."

"That'll do, then," the man nodded once more and motioned for him to follow.

He led him to another room and pointed at the door near the end of the hallway. Merlin gave him his bag with the hand that wasn't holding the item and walked to the door.

As soon as Merlin was inside, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. "Haha!" He cheered quietly. He did it! He actually did it! Maybe this wasn't something to celebrate... but it felt freeing and that was exactly the feeling he needed to escape the pain from the past few days.

He took the box out of his sleeve and undid the packaging. Then, threw the trash in the bin and stuck the earbuds in the inside pocket of his coat. They'd be safe and protected there. He glanced at himself in the mirror but looked away after a few seconds, feeling oddly disassociated with the man staring back at him.

But Merlin shook it off. He pretended to flush the toilet to make his bathroom emergency more believable and proceeded to head out of the bathroom.

When he opened the door, the man was waiting with his bag at the end of the hall. "Thank you," he nodded.

The worker extended a hand out with the bag and Merlin took it. "Sure! Just make sure your friend buys something," he chuckled, slightly sarcastic, but mostly serious.

Merlin nodded and walked with pride back to Will. He wore a smile on his face that spread onto Will's.

"You did it?" He asked in surprise and disbelief.

"I did. But I used the restroom so now we sorta have to buy something."

Will held up a bundle of guitar picks in the air. "I was planning on it."

They walked up to the counter and Will paid for his things while Merlin kept his soon-to-be-stolen item in his pocket. The woman handed them a receipt and they went on their merrily way out of the store.

When he walked through that door, Merlin felt a rush of adrenaline take over his body. It felt great! It felt like he was living! It was exactly the kind of fun he needed. The door shut behind them and he knew he had gotten away with it. He threw a fist in the air in hooray.

"I did it!" He cheered and Will gave him a high five. "And with time to spare!"

"See, Merlin? You've gotta learn to let loose sometimes."

Merlin nodded at his comment. He was right. It _was_ time to let loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to **xanvan01** and everyone else for supporting this book! It means a lot to me :) Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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